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David, Thanks so much for the review. I know from your review you'd like a description of time and place. This is a fantasy, so it's a fantasy world. Think medieval, simpler times. Swords and sorcery. Dragons. Witches, witch hunters like Lucien who are part of the church, but not the church we know, exactly. My female character in the second chapter tells Darien that there are things in this world not meant to be known by everyone. There are secrets in their world that are only meant for certain people. I can remove some of the firelight reference at the beginning I was trying to set mood or something. The line with the Oak tree would probably be enough. I see that you felt you weren't really into my pov character. I felt that too. Darien really failed to come to me at first, he was a hard character to get to know, if that makes sense. I'm getting to know him a little better in further chapters. I hope my writing shows that , but I can come back to this first chapter and see if I can give him more depth so that my reader can get into him more. So that he'll have more sympathy, for lack of a better word. Anyway, I'm wondering, I had though of starting where Darien and his men capture the girls at least at the point where they are in Darien's custody and that's when the strong witch actually hits him. What do you think? Ideas? I see from a few of your comments that some lines can be dumped or rewritten to reflect differently. The him in the one line is actually Darien, her eyes come back to rest on him or his eyes. Maybe I should have used Darien's name. Seems odd to use his name when he's the pov character. Looks like a bit of work may be needed there. I can see your point where she confesses to being a witch. Perhaps continue with something like you suggested that her sisters are innocent and have nothing to do with what they are accused. I'll think on that. A pyre is a pile or heap of wood or other combustible material. So no it's not a fire, yet. In this case a thick pole is jutting up out of the pile of wood so that the girls can be tied to it. The fire burning close is to light the pyre and so that they can see. Does that clear that up? Anyway, again thanks for the review and I'm so glad you're willing to follow this Dragon anywhere, you never know where a dragon might get to.  Huggers, Dragon |
Re: Review: The Witch & The Warrior, Chap 1, by Dragon · 08-24-11 10:38pm 
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