Erotica Harem

Title:

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Author: oregonboi

Plot:

Josh greets his parents the next morning downstairs before he leaves for school. He pumps his dad for more information about the other gays in their family. His father tells Josh that his great-great-grandfather was gay and his uncle is. Josh has never met his dad’s brother.

On his way to school he calls his older sister and they make a date for dinner.

After his classes are over, Josh explores a restroom that has a reputation. He gets his first blowjob from a guy and loves it. After he leaves, he gets a phone call from the girl he slept with a few nights before. They make another date for Saturday.

No gaps or holes in the plot.

Style and Voice:

Told in third person from Josh’s point of view. I didn’t notice any head-hops or changes in pov.

Scene/Setting:

All settings had good descriptions. The addition of the pine scent when Josh enters the bathroom is a good touch.

Characters:

Sabrina and Debbie are two new characters to the story, but we only meet them via Josh’s telephone calls so not much information yet. Sabrina and Debbie both sound like they care for him albeit in different manners.

The skinny boy that gives Josh his first blowjob is a brazen fellow. Apparently he isn’t worried at all about being discovered in a public bathroom with his mouth on someone’s dick.

Just My Personal Opinion:

The scene in the bathroom was hot! I’m glad Josh wasn’t disappointed on his first try.

Alex

Grammar:

Very good! I had some word change suggestions below:

Thursday morning Josh awoke with his usual morning wood. His left hand squeezed it and as he kicked the covers aside. "Morning buddy. How are you?" Ha, I wonder how many other guys talk to their cocks. Hey, do girls talk to their tits and cunts? I'll have to research that. His dick softened at his recall of the fight with his mom last night. [This happens rather fast. Maybe he could stroke it a few minutes while thinking back to last night? Then as the recollection of the fight comes to mind, then his dick softens. ]


“He’s in Canada isn’t he?.” [I thought I would add a little uncertainty here since Josh hasn’t met him, he might not be up-to-date on his uncle’s whereabouts.]

“Right. I think he’s uneasy with being gay but the last I heard he’s living with a guy and is happy.”

A river of thoughts ran through Josh’s mind. [What kind of thoughts? What is running through his mind?]


Josh hesitated. "I don't know why he called you but mom and I went at it again last night. I just want to talk to the only sane female in the family." [I suggested the extra word just to emphasize his statement. ] He regretted lying to his older sister and sometimes surrogate mom.

"That bad, huh? I'll meet you for dinner at six in the lobby." [What lobby?]

Josh muddled through his morning classes and then lunch in the food barn on campus. His afternoon statistics class ended at three-thirty. [Afternoon stats class? Ewwwww!! He needs to get a new faculty advisor!]


http://www.pennedbyalexmorgan.com