Erotica Harem

TITLE: Waiting to Die

CHAPTER: 4: Cruising

AUTHOR: David S.

PLOT: Several things happen in this chapter. Josh starts out a little weird to me as he is talking to his dick. And, no David girls don't talk to their private parts...at least this girl doesn't.
Josh learns from his dad that several members of his family are gay, and that it's hereditary. Thank you, David for putting this info in. :)
Later on, Josh heads to the college restroom, where he receives his first blow-job. Very graphically written. :)

STYLE & VOICE: Josh-3rd person

REFERENCING: Modern day.

SCENE/SETTING: Josh's house, college restroom, back to Josh's house

CHARACTERS: Josh-sex crazed college kid. He's really starting to creep me out, but hey this is an erotica story.

Sabrina--His sister

Rick--the guy who gave Josh his first blow job.

GRAMMAR: Looks good to me.

JUST MY PERSONAL OPINION: I'm going to go with Max on this one (I read his review on this chapter), Josh is acting really creepy to me. Talking to his dick and such. But, this is your story. I loved how his dad talked to him about being gay is hereditary. As you would say, "Good Human."
The bathroom scene was well written. I think you did a great job. I'm at that point in my writing where I'm describing m/m sex scenes in graphic detail. I think what you did was fantastic. :)

Another good story, David. I see nothing that I need to point out to you in word.


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