Erotica Harem

Title:

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Author: KDM-1984

Plot:

Thomas is teaching at a college in Boston. He’s been seeing one of his male students, which is an offense punishable by death. They try to keep their affair secret but a lapse in watchfulness exposes their forbidden love to the student Alexander’s parents and the college dean.

The boy’s father beats him and forces him to confess that Thomas had seduced him. Alexander betrays Thomas. The dean tells Thomas he can run but he can’t hide. He will see him hang.

Thomas just manages to escape the law. He hides out in the poor Irish section of Boston. He sees an advertisement for a teacher in Avoy, Georgia, his hometown. He applies for and is hired for the job. He hops a train for Athens, Georgia.

No gaps or holes in the plot. I did have a comment about Thomas tipping the guy at the train station when he buys a ticket. See the line-by-line below.

Style & Voice:

This chapter is told in third person from Thomas’ point of view. I didn’t notice any head-hops or changes in pov.

Scene/Setting:

This takes place in several places: Thomas’ classroom at the college, his room at the hotel and then the room he rents to hide out in. Just a quick suggestion. Since most of us don’t know what it’s like to sit in a classroom in 1883, perhaps you could give us a few more details? Is it stuffy in the room, especially in August, or are the windows open? Do they have individual desks or are they sitting on benches with long tables? Just a thought.

Characters:

Thomas Milton is the main character in this chapter. He’s a teacher at a college in Boston and he’s a homosexual. He’s been sleeping with one of his students who is 18. He’s aware that if they get caught he will be hanged, but he enjoys the company of Alexander too much.

Alexander is the student who is sleeping with Thomas. He’s Italian and Catholic. When he is confronted by his father who beats him, he doesn’t stand up to him. He craters like a house of cards and throws Thomas under the bus. He may want Thomas’ forgiveness but that isn’t likely now.

Dean Henderson is the dean of the college and a typical dean. He’s not concerned about students or teachers, only the reputation of the college and making sure it doesn’t lose face in front of the people who pay the students’ tuition.

Alexander’s parents appear in this chapter but it is only the father that we see or hear from. Alexander’s mom faints right away. The dad is furious and beats his son, demanding that he betray the teacher.

Just My Personal Opinion:

I enjoyed this chapter although it was hard to read. The scene when Alexander’s father is beating him and forcing him to betray Thomas was a tough scene but it’s good when your writing elicits strong emotions in your reader! Great job!

Alex

Grammar:

Very good! I had a few comments for clarification.

Behind them were the boys: the sons of wealthy merchants and ancestors descendants(?) to Boston’s finest families. Beautiful men who scribbled down today’s lecture, Jane Eyre and the topic of Religion. One Italian boy sat in the far back corner, his eyes drifting over Thomas every so often as he smiled to himself, as if he were hiding a well guarded secret.

To Thomas' disbelief, Alexander raised his hand, he never spoke in class. Fighting back the urge to call him, “Dear,” he answered, “Yes, Alexander, please tell us your opinion.”
[Is Alexander the student he’s having an affair with?]

“What can I say?” Alexander crossed his legs. “I like to have fun, life is way too short. [Split these into two separate sentences.]”

Reaching out to kiss the boy, Thomas pulled back [Do they kiss? Here it sounds like Thomas starts to kiss him but then pulls back.] and started packing up his books.

“What do you want then?” He brushed back Alexander’s hair, a smile on his lips. Thomas leaned forward for a kiss. Running his fingers through the boy’s silky, black hair he knew that such a kiss in a public place risked hanging. A twenty-five-year-old teacher and his eighteen-year-old student caught in a heated embrace. Good thing I locked the door as usual. Wait, I did lock the door? An ear-piercing shriek had the men pulling pulled the men apart. Turning towards the door, Thomas had to steady himself to keep from passing out on the floor. In the hallway stood the dean, with two adults, who no doubt were Alexander’s parents.

“Thomas Milton!” Dean Henderson, screamed. “What in the devil are you doing?” The woman standing in front of the men passed out. [Drama queen! ]

“Puttana! Puttana!” He screamed, smacking his son across the face. Thomas cringed, pressing his back up to the chalkboard. “[b}Bastardo! Omosessuale [Put words in another language into Italics.]!" The man continued to yell in Italian.


It is not a ‘disease’ that a man catches like the plague, but something you are born with. From an early age, he knew himself to be attracted to men. One does not choose this, for how can people ‘chose choose’ to be in love with someone? It happens naturally, like a man loving a woman.


Up in his room, he made sure there were no lice or rats in his bed before settling down on the threadbare blanket to scan the ads. Turning the pages, he saw the numerous states looking for country teachers. An article in his home state of Georgia had him sitting up in bed, a look of disbelief crossed his face. It couldn’t be. My hometown of Avoy: the same place where I grew up, before moving to Atlanta with my parents at the age of eighteen. Impossible, yet a miracle miraculous.


Thomas took the paper, dug a silver dollar from his trouser pocket and placed it on the register. “One way, please, and keep the change.” It was the least he could do for being so rude. [I think Thomas is being very nice to give the man a tip but if he wants to keep a low profile, he wouldn’t throw money around like that. Or is he not worried about people knowing that he moved to Georgia? Would they still not pursue him there and try to extradite him back to Boston?]


Folding the piece of paper, Thomas placed the note back in his vest pocket. The conductor returned as the train began to move along the tracks. Giving the man a nickel, Thomas took the glass of gin, drowning it within seconds. God, I pray my past doesn’t follow me. [So he is worried about them finding him in Georgia. Maybe he could think about tipping the man at the station but reconsiders? Just a suggestion.]


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