Erotica Harem

Title: Waiting to Die

Chapter: "Invalid Item" }

Author: oregonboi

Plot: Ok, I'm not sure of the plot at this point in time. It's the first chapter anyway, so that's ok. Looks to me like mom is feeling her age. She wants her son to follow in her footsteps as a lawyer, but he isn't sure being a lawyer is what he wants.

Style & Voice: This is perfect. I could hear their Italian accents. Josh, in my mind sounds a bit less Itallian than his parents. I think you did each of them just right.

Referencing: Any referencing seemed to be done well. In this first chapter there isn't much to reference, except a few past experiences and those seem to be right on track

Scene/Setting: Love the setting. I can see the kitchen perfectly as well as the dining room. Love the big, old dining table. Sounds like the one we had in the dining room when I was just little, it seems so huge to me.

Characters: Love the characters. You wrote them each so well. Their personalities are clear and distinctly theirs.

Grammar: Some comma troubles I found, not too bad. And don't worry, I'll keep them from attacking you again. Those nasty, nasty commas.

Just My Personal Opinion: In my personal opinion, this is a great start just enough to get my interest up to read more.

Joshua paused from cooking and took another drink of wine. Please God, or whoever is up there, let there be joy and peace tonight. He spun on his heels and strode through the swinging door to the living room. "Ten minutes to dinner." He grinned at his parents in the burgundy recliners and kissed his gathered fingertips, Italian style.

His dad winked and nodded. “Can I help with anything?”

“Nope. All under control.”

His mother managed to peer over the newspaper for a moment with a flat expression. Josh’s heart sank.

He trotted back to the large family kitchen and stood with his hands on his hips feeling so comfortable there, the only kitchen, and house, he’d lived in. His nostrils flared as he sniffed the room like a search dog, proud of his creations. Um, fantastic. Like a regular Italian restaurant. He grabbed the wall phone and dialed. Come on, Rachel, answer, answer.

A gray voice announced, "This is Rachel, the perennial virgin. Leave a message." A three-second burst of classical music preceded a beep.

"Hey, ten minutes until I serve them dinner. Call me later. Wish me luck, oh, please change that message." He hung up.

Joshua grabbed his wine glass for two more sips of liquid courage. He stirred the tomato sauce in the large pot with meatballs and Italian sausage on the six-burner gas cook top with double ovens below. He sidestepped to the refrigerator and extracted three antipasto plates. With one balanced on a forearm and one in each hand, he butt-slapped the swinging door to the dining room open. We have this large house, kitchen and dining room, and it’s rare we entertain. In the next trip to the kitchen, he emptied his glass with one swallow and brought the Italian bread, wine and glasses to the thick-slabbed table with massive legs, Old World style. Slipping back to the living room he bellowed, "Excuse me folks, dinner is served." Offering an arm, he escorted his mom to her seat, pulling it out for her. Dad took his chair. Josh began a gentle massage of his mom's shoulders.

"Oh Josh, I hope your hands are clean. This is a new blouse."

He pulled back, moved to her right side and kissed her cheek. "Happy Anniversary, Mom." He smiled, helping him overcome the nervousness.The underlined sentence it bit confusing. I understand what you mean, but the way it reads, it doesn't really make sense. Next, he moved behind his dad's seat at the head of the ten-person table and started a firm massage to his wide Italian shoulders.

"Ahh, you can do that all night."

"Only enough time for a teaser, Dad." Josh repeated the shuffle to his father's side and kissed the nearest cheek. "Happy Anniversary."
"Josh, you could do massage professionally. You're so good." He paused. “And thank you.”

Josh’s mom cut in. "Nick, don't be silly. He'll make a top-notch attorney. His intelligence will bulldoze all the other lawyers, and his handsome features will win over juries, especially the women. He'll inherit the DeAngelo Law Firm. I hope he's through with law school and has time to intern with me before I die."

Joshua moved to his own seat. “Mom, I’m still in college, and besides, you're going to live a long time. Quit talking about death. Come on, mangia, mangia, eat, eat."

Portly Nick extended a hand to Josh’s shoulder. "You've outdone yourself. You could become a chef. You're good at cooking, too."

Mom politely added, "Very nice, dear."

Josh beamed, dimmed the chandelier and lit candles on the table and in the two dragon candleholders on the wall. He sat, took two bites from his antipasto plate and poured wine. "Happy 30th anniversary. I have your favorite wine, the Caymus Cabernet Sauvignon." He poured for himself, too, hoping to hide the residue in his glass.

Dad whispered, "Ah, looks like you started before us, huh?"

"Um, yeah. I was a little nervous, you know." Their eyes met.

Maria took a sip of wine and set her glass down. "Actually, the Caymus is your dad's favorite. I prefer the Joseph Phelps."

Josh jumped to his feet. "Oh, I'm sorry, Mom. I'll get a bottle for you," his voice softened.

"No, don't bother on my account. I can drink this." She took another sip. "This is good, just not my favorite."

Josh sat and then stood. "Excuse me. I have to check the kitchen." As he moved to the door, Nick leaned left to kiss his wife. Maria turned her head so he pecked her cheek. Her face held a tight smile. Josh winced, pushed through the door, checked the kitchen, and ventured back to the large dining room, taking his seat again.

"So, how come you two aren't taking an anniversary trip this year?"

Maria griped, "I'm too busy at the firm. There are trials coming up and besides, those trips are for young people."

Nick chuckled. "Maria, we're only fifty-two, that's far from old. How about a slow drive into the foothills after dinner? There's a full moon just like the day we were married."

"Maybe, I'll see how I feel."

Josh jumped up again. "I'll be right back." He hustled to the kitchen to stir the pasta and then transferred the sausage and meatballs to bowls. Grabbing potholders, he opened the oven door, leaning back to avoid the blast of heat. He withdrew the pan of eggplant parmigiana and loaded a service cart with the sausage, meatballs, eggplant and sautéed vegetables. With Pride swirling within, he wheeled it to the dining room singing, ‘When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that's amore.’ The last trip to the kitchen produced al dente pasta with tomato sauce.

Josh grabbed a gulp of wine to settle himself. He removed the antipasto and salad plates and cleared his throat. "I made the sauce and meatballs today. I used extra lean beef, Mom. The sausage came from Salvador's Deli. He made a special low fat batch for me. There's another fifteen pounds in the freezer separated into five-pound packages." He took his seat but propelled himself up again. "Ah, damn, the music." He rushed to the CD player in the living room and started a Tony Bennett CD. He returned to his seat.

"Well no sausage for me. The spices will give me heartburn. It'll be more for your dad and you." Maria faced her meal.

Josh lowered his head.

Nick leaned over. "Joshua, I'm very, very proud of you. You're a good boy. Thank you." He kissed the nearest cheek. “It’s okay that I still say you’re a good boy, right? I know you’re twenty, but you grew up so fast.”

Josh warmed inside. “Thanks, Dad. I love it when you call me that.” He scanned his mom. "You know, Mom, you're still very beautiful. Growing up, other kids would tell me how pretty you were, especially with your jewelry. It's never too much like some women who look like a walking jewelry store. You have a great collection of stuff." He worked up his best impish grin. "Can I borrow your jewelry sometime?”

Nick piped up. "Only when I'm not wearing it. A diamond necklace with matching earrings will really brighten up a construction site."

"Aggh. I'm not pretty anymore. I've gained too much weight; my skin is starting to hang..."

"Mom, if you'd come to the gym with me I could help you get rid of the extra weight and make your bones stronger for when you really become old. We'd have fun working out."

Maria scowled. “I’ll be dead soon, why bother?”

Josh's winced. "So Mom, how's the firm?"

His mother appeared as though she were pondering a deep legal question. "Sometimes I think I'm the only competent attorney there. I can't believe the mistakes, but at least we keep winning and that's all that matters. We can change the name to DeAngelo and Son Law Firm after you pass the bar. St. James has a million people and keeps growing. The San Francisco Bay Area has eight million. The firm can go on for generations.

"Ah, so Dad, how's DeAngelo Construction?" Josh sidestepped the issue of his assigned career as a lawyer.

Nick finished chewing and swallowed. "Wonderful. This is my best year yet. I have great workers, we're two weeks away from finishing the latest project, and I just signed a contract for a new home. It'll have solar panels for electricity to make hot water and heat the radiant floor. I’m looking forward to it, my first super insulated home. There'll be plenty of work for you if you want to get a few hours in from time to time. You're good at construction, too. You're almost perfect, like me." He let loose a hearty laugh.

"I do enjoy building things. I like physical work where I can use my brain, too. I'll make time."

Maria glared at her son. "Yes, all those girlfriends keep you so busy."

"Aw, mom, I don't have many girlfriends."

"Oh? And I should believe that? Word gets around. You have a long line of them, like your father. I hope you're being careful."

Nick leaned forward. "Maria! You know I have no girlfriends. I gave all of them up for you a long time ago." He turned to smirk at Josh. "But I sure as hell had plenty. Damn good-looking, sexy Italian stud that I am. The women couldn't get enough of me. Well-equipped in the love department, too."

Josh's face warmed. "Ah, well, I may as well admit it. I wish I had a hundred dollars for all the times I've heard, 'Oh my God' when I undress for them." He playfully slapped Nick's arm.

"Gentlemen, there is more to life than sex." Maria’s stern tone failed to dampen their boastful mood.

In unison they exclaimed, "There is?" They laughed in unison.Repeated words too close together is there another way you could reword one of these sentences?



One by one, they pushed their dinner plates forward with satisfied sighs, even from Maria. Josh queried, "Do you want dessert now or in a little while? It's New York cheesecake. The decaf should be ready."

Nick shook his head. "Coffee now, cheesecake later. I'm over-full. Josh, you really outdid yourself."

Maria held up a hand. "Cheesecake is far too fattening. Coffee would be good, thank you."

"Mom, I planned for that. I know I got the wine wrong for you but as long as I can remember, you've always loved New York cheesecake. I've been practicing for a month baking next door at Rachel's. Her mom’s been helping me." He smirked. "I've perfected a low fat recipe. You'll love it."

"How can there be a low fat cheesecake that tastes good"? Her lips drew down.

Nick slipped a hand to Josh's wrist. "I'll have two pieces." He winked.

Josh tried to smile back. He rolled the cart with the leftovers into the kitchen and returned with coffee, cups and cream. Dean Martin's CD followed the Tony Bennett performance.

"Josh, you are going to work at the firm again in between classes, right? You need the experience. Then, in the summer you can be there full time. I'll start teaching you about case management and beginning law so when you do go to law school in two years you’ll have a head start."

Josh shot a glance at his dad before focusing on her. "Um, Mom, you know, like I told you, I'm not sure I want to go into law. I like it, but maybe not enough to do it as a career. And there's baseball again in the spring. I'm so good, professional scouts have been talking to Coach Shapiro." Nick and Josh traded arm punches.

"Yes, I see you have your father's braggadocio. Josh, I keep telling you and you keep ignoring me, but there isn't time for baseball in college. It was all right in high school but you need to grow up. Make adult decisions."

Josh’s jaw clenched. "I've also been thinking about the military. Probably the Marines or the Navy. What happened September 11th is going to happen again somewhere. It’s hard to believe it’s been a year already. The attacks were another Pearl Harbor. We're at war."

The room grew quiet except for Dean Martin singing You’re Nobody ‘till Somebody Loves You.

Nick spoke first. "The attacks and hijackings were terrible. I even thought of signing up. I wouldn't blame you if you did. But there is one thing to consider, and I'm being very serious about this, son."

"What's that?"

Nick's eyes locked onto Josh. "You're a wiseass. You have a big mouth. I’m not being critical or condemning, I’m only noting fact. You get it from me.” He gave a defensive grin. “There is no room for that in the military, and you'd be miserable if you had to change. You'd end up spending a lot of your time in the brig or on punishment details. That's no way to serve your country. Your, uh, shall I say, wee little bit of a temper will make things worse, too. My dad told me the same thing when I wanted to join the military after high school."

Maria chimed in. "Your dad's right. The military is wrong for you. Rushing off in an emotional tantrum shows lack of forethought. Lawyers who do that lose cases and clients."

Josh stirred his coffee, adjusted the lit candle on its holder and glanced around. His voice weakened. "Mom, I can't remember the last time you approved of anything I've done or any decisions I've made." He glared at her.

Maria clapped her coffee cup down. Just short of a shout, she fired back. "Oh stop it. Stop being so melodramatic. Grow up. Get rid of the romance novels, and pick up the law books."

"What? How do you know I read romance novels?” His tension grew. “Only Rachel knows."

"Oh, I know more than you give me credit for."

“I know she didn’t tell you.” They stared at each other. Josh's jaw clenched again.

Nick put a hand on each of their arms. "Hey, come on, this is a celebration dinner. How about that moonlight ride, Maria?"

Connie Francis sang the 60s song, Don't Break The Heart That Loves You.

Josh wiped an eye. His voice diminished. "Mom, why do you hate me?"