Show and Tell Contest

Title: {bitem: 1728616}

Author: Unknown


Jack sat on the park bench and separated out all supplements from the Sunday Times. He spread out the Sports, Business and Travel sections beside him, and put Style & Fashion, Arts & Culture, and Homes & Lifestyle in the bin just to his left. [Why did he do that? Is he finished with them already?]

He flicked through the main news section, reading the headlines. None of it felt like news to him. The laughing and splashing of children in the wading pool made it hard to concentrate. He’d wanted kids but Miriam’s career always came first. [This seems like a big jump from reading the news to wanting kids! Maybe a little more transition.] And now it was too late. Even if he met someone tomorrow and had a child straight away, by the time the kid graduated college, Jack would be at retirement age, his life as good as over.

Miriam, still in her thirties, would probably meet the perfect man and have triplets just to be more efficient. He fingered the rip in his shirt and promised himself a new wardrobe, a new, more youthful look.

“Jesus,” said a young woman, with one hand on the back of the bench. She huffed and puffed practically into Jack’s ear. Red-faced and covered in a sheen of sweat, she stood bent over, gasping for air. She was about Miriam’s size and build, although the only exercise Miriam took was in the gym, multi-tasking on her Blackberry and watching Fox News with the sound turned down. [Did Jack see her before she spoke? Was he surprised when she spoke?]

Jack scooped up the Sunday supplements and stuck them on his other side, between him and the arm rest. She said. “Thanks,” and fell into the space beside him, still panting. Jack pretended to be taking in the park view and gave her the once over. Top of the range running shoes, Lycra shorts, fanny pack with a Nike swoosh. Her breasts were larger than Miriam’s, and she probably had them strapped down in a sports bra. His gaze wandered lower. The butt was definitely smaller.

She stretched out, tilting her head toward the sky. Jack buried his nose back in the paper.

“Wow. Intense,” she said.

Her top had ridden up, exposing her flat, tanned stomach. As Jack admired her svelte figure from the corner of his eye, another movement caught his attention. The fanny pack on her hip bulged and quivered. Something inside was moving. [I think this is a shift in pov.]

There’s an animal in there, thought Jack. A mouse?

As he watched, the zipper undid itself and a small blue claw emerged — no, not a claw... a hand! And then a blue head, with tiny black horns. A small impish face looked up at him with glowing red eyes, and grinned a set of sharp yellow teeth at him.

The yelp escaped from Jack’s mouth at the same time as his body sprang to its feet. he sprang to his feet. The woman turned to look at him, her eyes narrowed and lips pursed. She followed his gaze to her waist and then sat up sharply, slapped the fanny pack with her hand and whipped the zip zipper closed. She looked back at Jack, who stood there gawping.

“What was that?” Jack squeaked.

The woman stood up, took one step away, turned and ran. Jack watched her for a second before chasing after her. He called out once for her to stop, but decided to save his breath. He might not have kept his body in the peak of physical fitness, but this woman wasn’t going to get away from him. He ignored the burning in his chest and started gaining on her.

She glanced over her shoulder, seemed to find an extra gear, and powered away from him. Just as Jack was about to give up, she came to a sudden halt at the bottom of the hill. It wasn’t until Jack was practically on top of her that he saw the large figure behind the tree. He was the size of a basketball player, but wide as a linebacker; his face was all beard and eyebrows and his teeth barely fit inside his mouth.

The woman had her hands raised in surrender, her whole body trembling. Jack felt his own body shaking too. It wasn’t the size of the strange man that concerned Jack; it wasn’t even the knife he was pointing at the woman’s chest. It was the dark red liquid dripping from the blade.

The woman looked over her shoulder at him and said, “Run.”



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