\"Writing.Com
*Magnify*
SPONSORED ITEMS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://webx1.writing.com/main/forums/message_id/2158919
Important!
*Trash* This item is in your Recycling Bin

Purging this item will permanently remove it from Writing.Com.

Change your mind?  Undelete this item.
Item Icon
\"Reading Printer Friendly Page Tell A Friend
(15)
by TimM Author IconMail Icon
Rated: XGC · Message Forum · Adult · #619464

We like it hot and sexy!

<< Previous  •  Message List  •  Next >>
Reply  •  Post New
Nov 2, 2010 at 8:05pm
#2158919
Review of Double Play, Chapter 3B
by A Non-Existent User
Title:
 Invalid Item Open in new Window.
This item number is not valid.
#1714819 by Not Available.


Author: oregonboi

Plot:

Sex! Sex! Sex! LOL

No gaps or….Nope, not going there.

Style & Voice:

Third person told from Joel’s point of view (and it must’ve been some view).

Scene/Setting:

The bedroom was where the action takes place. Not much description of the surroundings though. Why was that?

Characters:

No new characters.

Just My Personal Opinion:

Is it hot in here or is just me? This chapter was smokin’! Great job, David!

Alex

Grammar:

Very good! I just had one comment.

“Yes. Yours are big and beautiful.” [This seems a little forward. Maybe he could say “Yes, but they weren’t as big or as beautiful as yours.” Just a suggestion.]

http://www.pennedbyalanscott.com
http://www.pennedbyalexmorgan.com

ASIN: 1600542409
Product Type: Book
Amazon's Price: Price N/A


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
MESSAGE THREAD
*Star*
Review of Double Play, Chapter 3B · 11-02-10 8:05pm
by A Non-Existent User

The following applies to this forum item as a whole, not this post. Feedback sent here will go to the forum's owner, TimM.
Printed from https://webx1.writing.com/main/forums/message_id/2158919