Novel Review Group Message Forum

Title: City of Sin
Chapter reviewed: 12
User name: Grace


Plot: Well, now a whole bundle of schemes were revealed here. The tension is mounting!


Characters: Great job presenting the characters. There was one line that Joey said that I felt was out of character. I noted it in the line by line.


Grammar: Good. Nothing that I could really see.


Style/voice: I made a couple of suggestion that I thought made sentences flow a little better. They are just my opinion though.


Setting: Great description of the brothel in the opening paragraph.


Overall: Good chapter with foreshadowing that is building the tension.
Regards,
Ms. J


The brothel on Chartres Street was dark and soundless after a long night of business. The heavy odor of spilled wine and champagne, mixed with stale cigarettes, polluted the front parlor, soaking into the Oriental rugs and dusty velvet curtains. The marble fireplace hissed as tiny flames ignited the last of the wood, the small sparks the only flicker of light in the dark room. A golden glow slowly moved down the mahogany stairway. Bringing with it a voluptuous woman in her mid thirties, wearing only her thin chemise and a open silk robe. Her tired cunning brown eyes were barely able to focus under her heavy lids after a long night of work. In her hand she held a single lit candle, and when the madame of the house stepped barefooted onto the landing, her irritated frown turned into a seductive smile.

“Finally changed your mind and decided to give me a try, Joey Boy?”

Joseph closed the door behind him, shutting out the muggy summer night, and moved closer to the light. “Where’s Riley, Maggie?” he asked sharply, ignoring her comment.

“Upstairs. But he’s busy right now.” She moved to his side, thrusting out her ample bosom as she lightly traced a line down his chest. “Why don’t you let me entertain you while you wait?” Her eyes were coaxing, and her perfume filled the air, but she created little temptation.

Joseph sucked in slowly and blew out through his teeth; even ? he could even smell the whiskey on his breath. With a firm hand he shoved her away and took a step back. “Thanks, but no thanks.”

“Ooh, someone’s been in the liquor cabinet,” she giggled, closing the distance he’d put between them. “How many have you had tonight, Joey? One? Ten?”

“Maggie, I’m not in the mood for games.” Her taunting questions about his drinking aroused his anger and he pushed her away with more force than before.

She seemed to take the hint. With a little humph, she folded her arms over her chest and threw him a playful glare, her raven black hair flipping over her shoulder. “You’ll give in one day, just you wait.” She crossed the room slowly and set her candle on the grand piano before she curled herself up on a velvet–covered couch. Obviously aware of every move her body made as she lounged on the sofa, one slim leg dangling over the edge in a sensual gesture. Her mouth curved into a slow satisfied smile when she caught him watching her.

A sardonic laugh rippled from deep in Joseph’s throat. “You’ll never give up will you?” he asked wearily.

Her laugh was irritatingly high-pitched. “Not until you do.”

He let out a breath of frustration, his gaze flickering to the staircase. “What’s got Riley so busy tonight?” He felt aggravated that he had to wait down here for Riley to finish whatever it was he was doing. Either that or go and interrupt him, which was practically a death wish.

“The appropriate question would be ‘who’ has Riley so busy tonight,” Maggie distractedly corrected, a devilish look in her eyes as she leisurely studied him up and down.

“Well than who is it?”

“He wouldn’t tell me,” she said with a pout, that instantly trance formed into a grin with her next words. “But the walls love to talk.”

Joseph looked at her expectantly, but she didn’t answer. “And . . .?” He ground out through clenched teeth.

She cocked her head to the side, the action causing one thin sleeve to slide from her shoulder to reveal even more powder white skin. She rose from the couch and crossed the floor with a cat like grace. “Surely you’ve learned that everything comes with a price, Joey?” she said, leaning into him. Her voice low and sultry.

He lifted her chin so that the candlelight shown on her face, her red lipstick had been smudged across her cheeks either by her pillow or a fumbling customer. He saw the satisfactory expression on her face and he could see that she thought she had won. “I guess you’re right there, Maggie.” He inclined his head toward her and at the very moment she closed her eyes in anticipation, he chucked her chin up and her eyes popped open in surprise. “But some prices aren’t worth the prize.” Sidestepping her, he strode toward the staircase. “I’ll tell Riley you’re feeling neglected though.”

He heard her curse as he took the stairs two at a time. At the top he agilely made his way down the thin hallway, his feet remembering the path that his eyes could not see. He turned right at the end of the hall and saw the soft thread of light that came from the bottom of the last door. Shadows moved back and forth within, and he could hear a low murmur of rigid voices through the wood.

He noiselessly moved closer, trying his best to listen but unable to make out any words. He wondered how long he would have to wait for the stranger inside to leave. Leaning against the wall, he prepared himself for what would most likely be a long time, but at least he wasn’t in the company of Maggie. He couldn’t fathom why Riley favored that girl so much. He rested his head against the peeling wallpaper and closed his eyes.

He hadn’t seen Sam since he’d been at the cathedral the week before and he was quite
spacing
sure the conniving bastard was avoiding him. However, he was also sure he was still being followed. Though no longer by Mike, who had lost yet another job because of his lack of ability to stick to the plan. According to Jeremy, Joseph never should have known Michael was in the alley. Or that he was being followed. But again his brother let his desire to outshine others get the best of him.

Now Joseph wanted to know why he was being followed. If Riley really thought he was turning his back on the Clan he needed to convince him otherwise. Before he found himself at the bottom of the Mississippi.

He thought again of what Jeremy had revealed to him earlier that night at Wenger’s Garden , a saloon down on Bourbon Street.

“Sam’s convinced Riley there’s a rat in the Clan.” Jeremy had told him as he sipped his glass of whiskey, his narrow gaze fixed on Joseph. “And needless to say he’s pointing at you.”

The grave look in his friend’s dark eyeshad left Joseph with little doubt that he was serious, which was rare for Jeremy. “We’ve all been told about that woman you’ve been hangin’ round with, first at The Place des Negres and now up in your room. The way you’ve been so mysterious about her ain’t lookin’ good. You know how Riley don’t like secrets. You’re in deep, Joey, very deep.”

He’d felt the blood drain out of his face at Jeremy’s words and he had immediately left the saloon intent upon his destination. The walk had cleared his mind and helped him to
spacing
realize the consequences of what he’d done, and the danger he’d put Crystal in. He should have known that even one encounter with her would be noted by the Clan. No matter how brief, even if Joseph hadn’t remembered it himself.

The only thing he didn’t understand was why Riley thought Crystal was such a threat to them. There had to be something going on that Joseph didn’t know about.

That was the other problem he was having. How selfish was he to risk Crystal’s life just because he enjoyed her company? More than that, he needed her company. But that didn’t make it right. He guiltily remembered the flowery scent of her hair as he held her against him. How innocent she had looked earlier that day, her soft mouth partly opened, her blue eyes closed as she leaned against him. He hated the to? turn his thoughts always took with her. Knowing he was wrong for wanting her, and wanting her all the same. He couldn’t fathom how she had wheedled her way into his every thought with no effort at all. He had to make it stop, but he didn’t know if he had the will to do it.

At that moment the door at the end of the hall swung open and a tall broad shouldered man emerged. He glanced at Joseph, his grey eyes cold and evaluating. Then turned back to the two men who sat at a thick oak table in the middle of the room.

“I’m counting on you, Riley . . . I trust you know better then to let me down.” The man’s tone was low and threatening. Joseph’s interest in the stranger perked, knowing he must be someone of importance if he would speak to Riley with no fear whatsoever.

“You’re in good hands, my friend,” Riley said easily. “My boys know what they’re doing, and they do it well. Especially when the prize is high.”

“That’s what I’m depending on.” With a stiff incline of his head the man turned on his French leather heel and strode down the hall. Joseph had to press himself against the wall to avoid being hit by the saber that hung from his gold buckled belt.{c:blue Who walks around with a saber unless he's a soldier?

When the heavy footfalls had faded down the stairs, Joseph turned back to the still open door at the end of the hall, where Riley and Red were talking quietly. It seemed neither had noticed his presence. Joseph inched closer soundlessly, keeping his body firmly against the wall as he tried to hear every hushed word.

“I dunno, Tee,” Red said, stubbing his cigarette out with vehemence. “I don’t like this. He expects too much, without any flaws. No plan can go that smoothly.”

“It’ll be fine, Red,” Riley said cooly, taking a slow puff of his own cigarette.

“Even after Will came the other day demanding that we move the job up an entire week, you still believe that?” Red leaned up in his chair his hands laced tight together. “They can’t do that and think nothing’s gonna go wrong.”

“As long as you keep the boys in line and doing their part, this job’s a done deal.” Riley propped his feet up on the table, obviously done with the discussion.

“But the risk of getting caught–”

“Are you trying to say I’m losing my touch, Red?” Riley straightened in his chair, eyes suddenly blazing with anger. “Have I ever gotten us caught? Have I ever been wrong about a job?”

“No, Boss, of course not, but–”

“So why don’t you let me do the worrying about it and you focus on them boys? Or would you prefer I let Sam handle your task? Seeing as it seems to be too heavy a burden for your withering bones.”

“No. I’ll . . . I’ll get it done.”

“Good.”

The room grew? was completely silent after that. Joseph stayed glued to the spot, thinking over what he’d heard. He had never seen Riley put Red down before, and Red’s uneasiness about the job worried him. It must be more than money they were getting for this or Riley would never go against what Red suggested. He was usually right in these matters.

The silence stretched and Joseph braced himself for the battle he was about to walk into. He stepped into the doorway and leaned against the jab jam?. “Riley, we need to talk.”

Both men looked up, mild surprise momentarily lighting their faces. Followed by aspirated irritation, and a faint glimmer of relief on Red’s face.

“Sit down, Kid.” Riley gestured to the chair across from them as he rubbed his eyes with thumb and forefinger.”I’ve been wanting to talk to you, too.”

Joseph pushed himself up off the wall and took the seat indicated. Feeling, as he always did under Riley’s scrutiny, as if he were an animal headed for the slaughter. Riley watched him closely, and Joseph met his gaze head on. To do anything else would be a sign of weakness. Weakness was the one thing he could not afford to show right now.

“I’ve been hearing stuff, Joey, and it hasn’t been good. Not to mention the things I’ve seen with my own two eyes. Being late for meetings, slacking on your duties, and hanging ‘round strange women.”

Joseph’s mouth went dry, he started to speak but Riley held up his hand in protest. “Now I’m a fair man. And I’ve always thought of you as the closest thing to a son I’ll ever have. So I’ll give you a chance to explain yourself, but first I want to remind you that I don’t tolerate neglect on the job, and I certainly don’t tolerate disloyalty.”

Joseph nodded, his gaze neverun wavering. When Riley made a gesture beckoning him to speak, he hesitated, uncertain of where to start. Unsure of what Sam had already told him. “I’ll admit I’ve been a little distracted lately,” he said slowly. “And time’s been getting away from me. But I mean no disrespect by it. I wouldn’t risk our relationship like that seems like kinda a woman thing to say. I don’t know what Sam’s been telling you though, and I’m hoping that you know me better than to think I would turn my back on the Clan. You’re all the family I’ve got.” The words stuck like tar in his throat, thinking of all his ‘family’ maybe italics instead of ' had done for him.

Riley gave a slow nod, his hard brown eyes evaluating as he slowly massaged his chin with one hand. “I believe you, Kid, that goes in your favor. But I wanna know something, what’s been so distracting to you lately?”

It was at these words that Joseph couldn’t help but break his gaze from Riley’s face, and in that action was his downfall.

When his answer didn’t come, Riley didn’t seem surprised. “Tell me,” he said in a friendly tone though his expression demanded a reply.

“It’s nothing really.” Joseph tried to sound casual but he knew Riley could read him with more ease than most. “Just a woman I was having maybe a little too much fun with, but I ended that. You don’t need–.”

“Don’t lie to me, Kid.” The quiet fierceness in Riley’s voice was familiar to Joseph, and obviously to Red. He took that moment to get up from the table and cross the room to a safer distance.

“It’s not your concern,” Joseph replied in a similarly soft tone. Dropping his front and bracing himself for the storm ahead.

“Not my concern?” Riley’s palms were flat on the table as he leaned forward, his scarred face slowly turning deep red. “Not my concern?”

For a moment Joseph was sure the table was about to be toppled over, but with great effort and very deliberate movement Riley settled back in his chair. “I’m gonna ask you once and only once, Joey . . . Who is she?”

Joseph now wished desperately that he had never decided to come here, or at least think of some damn good lies before he did. Now that he sat across from the man that had held his life in his hands since he was eleven years old, Joseph could not think of a single plausible excuse to the question that could, if not cleverly answered, quickly shorten Crystal’s future plans.

Slowly he inhaled a breath, hoping the drops of sweat that were forming at his temple wouldn’t slide down his face and show his dread. “She’s no one, I met her at the Place des Negres . . . we barely know each other . . .”

Why was it that silence was so loud?

Riley didn’t even blink as he regarded him from across the table. His eyes lost their fierceness and under the thick cover of anger Joseph thought he glimpsed surprise. Setting his elbow on the arm of his chair, Riley rested his head in his hand. Even Red seemed to have stopped breathing, waiting motionlessly on the boss’s response.

“I see.” He finally nodded, leaning forward slightly and fixing Joseph with a penetrating stare. “Listen to me, Joey. There’s things that it’s best to just stay away from. Less trouble for everyone. This woman, she’s one of them things. Don’t go near her again. If I get any reports that you’ve been with her I’ll be sure to have her dealt with.”

The blood in Joseph’s veins ran cold and he nodded rigidly.

“You understand why I do this, don’t you, Kid?” Riley asked his cruel face suddenly compassionate. “I’m only looking out for the Clan’s best interest. You’ve gotta keep your head in this. Understood?”

Joseph gave another stiff nod, his mouth pressed into a hard line.

“Good,” Riley stood abruptly, shoving back his chair and Joseph knew this meeting was adjourned. “Now, don’t let me down.”

Joseph nodded for a final time and rose as well. “I won’t.” He moved toward the door, glad to be able to get away.

“One more thing, Kid,”

He turned and faced Riley once more. “Yeah?”

“Schedule’s been changed, we only got one week to finish everything we were supposed to do in two.”

“Who moved it up?” Joseph asked, though he already knew.

“The big man, says he needs it done quicker. And we ain’t about to let all he’s offering get away from us.”

Joseph nodded.“I’ve got it covered.” He stepped into the hall and closed the door behind him. Immersing himself in thick blackness. As he made his way back down the hall he thought of the menacing stranger he had seen earlier. He obviously didn’t mind the risk of pushing the job up an entire week. Recklessness was not a good trait in a criminal. Joseph just hoped the ‘Big Man’ didn’t get them all killed.

Or worse– caught.



*******






The door closed behind Joey, and Red listened to the boy’s footsteps as they faded down the hallway. The tension in the room was thick; with care Red resumed his place next to Riley. Waiting for the move that signaled he was allowed to speak.

It finally came. A grunt from Riley as he shifted in his chair. Red didn’t hesitate. “Sam was right.”

Riley nodded, studying his fingernails.

“So we’re gonna use her?”

Again, Riley gave a slight nod.

“I still dunno, Tee. You sure we got enough time for all this?”

Riley threw Red an irritated glare. “You ain’t stopped worrying yet? I got this. And when Mandeville hands me that signed paper and all the cash, I’ll let him have his fiancee back. Piece by piece.”

“Joey don’t know who she is.”

Riley shook his head. “Not yet.”

“When do you plan on telling him?”

“I don’t.”

Red’s gaze narrowed. “Don’t you think he’ll be useful in getting her there?”

“Not anymore. Sam’ll handle it easy enough.” Riley leaned back in his chair once more, setting his feet up on the desk again. “Damn kid let her get to him. Didn’t think it would ever happen.”

Red raised his brows, and there was a long pause. “What about during the job?”

“Ain’t no better way to test his loyalty than to give him something to split it,” Riley said with a lazy grin.

Red nodded slowly, there was no way he could talk Riley into telling Joey. Even if he were to point out how dangerous it was to surprise the boys on the job with this twist. It would do no good.

“Why’d you bother telling him to stay away from her?” he asked as an afterthought, sinking back into his chair as well.

Riley winked at him. “‘Cause when he does see her again, he can’t blame me for getting rid of her. After all, I did warn him.”

“I don’t think Mandeville planned on losing his fiancee along with his father,” Red mused.

Riley shrugged. “I never guaranteed him there wouldn’t be casualties.”

If they give you ruled paper, write the other way.~Juan Ramon Jimenez
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