15 for 15 Contest --- Closed

“So, tell me, sir, what is your secret?” Sarah crossed her legs and poised her pen above the pad, tossing her head as she waited.

“My secret? I don’t have a secret. What do you mean?”

“Well,” she replied, drawing out the syllable, “You’ve obviously done something right to be sitting here today. I’m sure other people would like to enjoy life as much as you have. What kind of lifestyle put you where you are today?”

“Oh, yes! Of course. Well, first of all, I get up every morning and eat an enormous plate of bacon, eggs, sausage, pancakes, hash browns and grits, all smothered in butter.”

Sarah’s brow furrowed. “That doesn’t sound very healthy. Maybe it’s not the food. What about drinking? Lots of antioxidants?”

The man shook his weathered head. “I don’t know what that means. I mostly drink Jack Daniel’s, but sometimes I go for vodka or tequila. I go through, I don’t know, a bottle a week or some such.”

Her hand went to her hair, tucking a strand behind her ear. “Well, that doesn’t make any sense. That kind of drinking can kill a person. But surely you’ve done something healthy? Never smoked a day in your life, have you?”

Wrinkles crawled across the man’s forehead, deepening. “Smoking? I’ve smoked every day since I was 8. At least a pack a day. Cigars, when I could afford ‘em.”

“I don’t understand. You-“

“Not to mention, I snort coke whenever I can get it.” He drew a cigarette from his vest pocket and tapped it on a thumbnail.

“Okay, now you have got to be kidding around with me. No one can do what you’ve done and live as long as- Just how old are you, anyway?”

The man lit the cigarette and took a long drag. “I’m thirty-five. How old are you, lady?”