Erotica Harem

Day Three  (XGC) Gabe learns more about Ari and the Mountain. #1487214 by Max Griffin 🏳️‍🌈

* * * Offered with the very best intentions, this is strictly my opinion, based upon my limited knowledge of writing, my extensive love of reading, and my personal preferences. Take what you like or find useful and leave the rest. * * *



Moving forward - a little slower than chapters 1 and 2, but I'm not complaining.




Perfect. No issues at all.




Again, perfect. Love the throw-backs to different times, and the suggestion it leaves in the mind of the reader.




Like magic!




Another POV question in the line edits.




Commas and I must say I taught I thaw a adverb... but it musta been anodder woid disguised as an adverb for Halloween! Right? *cough* *chortle* *cough*




Vampires, right? That book is going to seriously mess with Gabe's head! LOL
This was very clean. I had very little to offer in the line edits.




Day Three
approximately 3720 words

"Hey! Open up!" The walls devoured his shout and muffled his voice. POV. I don't think he can hear his own voice being muffled by the thick walls.

I hope that the morning finds you refreshed and well. Our friend Carl is doing fine this morning

The door swooshed open[,] and a low cough caught his attention.

" extra space in hereWe had some wine last week at dinner.

I wish he'd stop with the 'our Carl' bit. Yeah, me too. It's really creeping me out! of stairs?"

They reached the lower level[,] and Ari paused and opened the door on the opposite side of the corridor from where they stood. Comfortable sofas and lounge chairs filled the room inside[,] and bookshelves lined one wall.

"I must apologize, but other duties call[,] and I must go for now. n and we will deliver it."

"Certainly. I'll take your my(?) leave, then." He gave a stiff bow and strode away.

His stomach growled[,] and he walked back to the lounge where lunch waited.

The Puppet Masters, Hmmm... It's gonna mess with his head!

Despite having read it before, Heinlein's Cold War tale of alien invasion and secret agents pulled his mind away from his recent worries and tensions. Almost despite himself, he fell asleep, haunted by dreams of death and alien destruction. Another interesting ending!





So here we are, still wondering just what exactly is wrong with "our Carl" (Oh no! Now I'm saying it too!); Who Gregor was whispering to through the lapel pin, though I suspect, of course, that it was Ari; and why Gregor's eyes waxed over when his medallion was signaled. He used the word "summoned". So he and Ari have disappeared for the daytime. Hmmm... And lastly, when will Gabe figure out he is a prisoner?

Whispering Ghost of C.St.Ann