Erotica Harem

Setting: Nala’s house. There wasn’t much description of her house, but I didn’t need it.

Characters: I absolutely loved Nala by the end of the chapter. From the way she was introduced, I wasn’t expecting her to blossom like that. I thought she would become more withdrawn. That was great.

Gabriel was fun too. It’s amusing to read his confusion as he struggles with his feelings.

Referencing: Terms for the abilities and such in your world are introduced. It was easy to follow and understand.

Plot:Gabriel is asked to bring Nala to Vardo where she can be protected from a killer who wants her power. There is a strong attraction between Gabriel and Nala.

Grammar: This was the biggest area I thought needed improvement. I would encourage you to look at this link: http://holtuncensored.com/ten_mistakes.html
It was posted on the board a few weeks ago and I think you’ll find most of my suggestions stem from there.

In the beginning, there’s a lot of information that is told to the reader. It’s not necessary as Gabriel tells Nala later. It works much better with him doing that. That’s a showing/telling thing.

‘Was’ was used a lot. I gave you suggestions here and there for taking it out. I found that my writing is stronger for taking it out.

Adverbs should be used rarely. I’ve been told about five per chapter, but you do have a long chapter so, maybe you can get away with a little more. I noticed a lot of ‘just’ and ‘really’. Most of the time, those can just be taken out.

Just to let you know, this chapter is longer than most on Erotica. I don’t have a problem with that, but some people may comment on it. I do think that a lot of information is repeated and could be cut to tighten it up a bit.

Just my Opinion: I hope all my suggestions don’t discourage you. I really liked your story and want to read more. I just want to try and help make it better. You keep what you like and throw away the rest.
The tension and the way Gabriel and Nala react to each other is great. I think the plot sounds intriguing. Great job!

Sephina

Line by line:

The foul stench of evil hung heavy in the air as Gabriel quickly departed the busy airport terminal and stepped into the muggy night air. As soon as this mission was completed, he planned to spend a few days at home, where the air was clean and the stars shone like millions of diamonds in the vast black sky. As much as he enjoyed his job, he hated that no matter where he went, he would always long for the castle and magick of Willowbank. He didn’t understand how people seemed undisturbed by the suffocating smell of car fumes. Give him pine trees and fresh dirt anyspaceday.

His nose burned as he breathed in the putrid smell of dead flesh that no amount of other scents could cover for a magickal being. Normal humans might not be able to sense it, but he could and it caused fear to grip his insides and squeeze. Without wasting another second, he collected the rental car he’d reserved and began navigating the congested Los Angeles streets, using only the strong vibes of his objective to lead him.

As he got closer toapproached? his destination, he realized that the evil vibe he’d been sensing was starting to recede, which he hoped meant that the protection spell he’d ordered to have been cast ofon? the house he was about to visit was working. It was bad enough he was about to have to approach a woman who had no idea who or what she was. No one had ever explained to her that the things she could do weren’t as unique as she thought.

He mentally reviewed the information he’d been given by Evander Zanie, her appointed guardian. Female, twenty-four, untrained and uninformed of her powers, powerful and cautious. Just what he needed, an untrained psychy reacting to his presence and unable to control her instincts to whatever necessary I think there’s a word missing here or something… to survive. According to the old man, she didn’t know anything about otherwordleys, psychys, or her past. A past that was quickly catching up to her. She had to be brought to Willowbank and receive the appropriate training before her twenty-fifth birthday in two months or she and the fate of the world would be in grave danger of being destroyed. I would suggest putting some of the lines from the previous paragraph into italics, to represent inner thoughts.

Gabriel had been sent to the States where Nala Arpaia had a very private practice as a psychologist. She saw only the most hopeless cases and was able to heal most of them with just one or two visits. There was only a handful of patients she had to see on a regular basis. Even without being rasied raisedat the Vardo she’d answered her calling. What better way to use your mind control abilities than to help people get betterheal. Gabriel’s mission was to escort her back to Willowbank where her uncle eagerly awaited her arrival. He was anxious to get her training started as soon as he filled in the blanks about her past and her parentsperiod

As Gabriel pulled up in front of her small two bedroom house, he glanced at the clock and saw that it was eleven thirty one. He could sense her feelings and there wasn’t a trace of anxiety or concern coursing through her mind, which told him all he needed to know about approaching her. Evander had left it up to him to inform her that she was being stalked by a psychotic killer who would do whatever it took to get what he wanted. Her dead. He wanted her strasis, or magickal powers or abilities, which had only grown stronger over the years as more and more of her family had been killed and bits of their strasis transferred into her. She was the last one of her bloodline left alive, a very powerful bloodline that went back to the founder of the Vardo, William Doogal. Right now, I’m wondering if there’s a better place for this information to go. I’m thinking when he actually meets Nala and tells her what is going on. Interesting though.

An irresistible urge to know more about the woman he’d been sent to protect had him projecting his mind to see what she was doing. It turned out to be a big mistake. She was in the shower, water cascading down her firm, lean body. He realized why Evander hadn’t included pictures in the file he’d compiled on Nala. If the men back home knew how hot she was, they would have been tripping over themselves to be assigned the mission. It was smart thinking on Evander’s part to put him on the case. He was always objective when it came to people in his protection, no matter what. He could certainly keep his detachment from Nala, even though she was the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen. She made quite a vision soaking wet, her long raven black hair glistening down her back to tickle her waist, her firm butt. Man, what an ass. Ok, that last sentence was definitely an inner thought. I would suggest putting it in italics.

Before Gabriel realized what he was doing, he started picturing what it’d be like to squeeze that ass and pull her firm against his body so that his long rigid shaft could press against her. Nala turned around and he caught a great view of her large creamy breasts with rosy nipples that just begged for his mouth to close around them. As if she could hear his very thoughts, her nipples repeat: hardened into little beads while his cock repeat: hardened until it pressed painfully against the seam of his pants. He tried to pull his mind out of the room and away from Nalacomma but he was too far gone for such control.

He watched as Nala closed her eyes and leaned against the wall. She seemed to be paying attention to something that was going on inside her headperiod and he reached out with his mind to see what and felt shock clear down to his toes. She was picturing him in the shower with her. His hands were all over her soapy body as her hand rubbed up and down the hard length of his shaft. He didn’t understand how she could be imagining him when they’d never even met. Unless of course, Evander had showed her a picture of him so she’d know who to watch out forcomma but he ruled that thought out as quickly as it formed.

Evander didn’t have any pictures of him and overseas mail certainly couldn’t have gotten to him in the twenty four hours since he’d received his orders. There had to be another explanation although he couldn’t say what it was. His attention was forced back to Nala as she started making surprised sounds like she was tryingtried something for the first time and finding it quite enjoyable. Gabriel withdrew his mind from hers and concentrated on her body and what she was doing that was causinged her to make such noises. She was masturbating!! I would make this an inner thought and say it like this: She’s masturbating! Only one !

Gabriel gulpedcomma but the air didn’t seem to help ease the funny feeling he was experienceinged. While thinking of him, she was standingstood in her shower with her right hand between her legs and her index finger moving in and out her moist center. Gabriel wanted to see her go over the edge and scream his name. Even knowing what he was going to do did was wrong didn’t stop him from he usinged his mind control powers to make Nala place her thumb over the hard nub of her clitoris and stroke it as she probed herself with two fingers.
Gabriel wasn’t aware that he’d unzipped his pants until his hand started rubbing his aching dick. He almost jumped out of the car when he heard a woman’s sexy voice encouraging him on, telling him exactly Most of the time, adverbs aren’t needed. how she wanted him to rub his shaft. He did the same for her, telling her to use her left hand to pinch her nipple for him and she did so obediently. Gabriel couldn’t believe he’d sunk so low that he was using his strasis to get a woman he didn’t even know off while jacking off in his car parked across from her house. Then he wondered if she was doing it. He’d certainly never took advantage of a woman before by using his powers on her. Why would he start now?

Then another sinister idea came to him. Maybe Broncestan, the crazy who was after Nala, was forcinged them to do it so they’d let their guard down. That idea was quickly dismissed as he remembered that he’d ordered a cloaking spell to be placed on both him and Nala before he’d ever left home. No one other than Gabriel would be able to detect either of them for the next forty eight hourscomma but since he could detect Nala, he assumed she could probably detect him as well if she knew what she was looking for. The spell also protected their minds from being controlled by others though it obviously didn’t protect them from each other.


Gabriel sensed that Nala was close to shattering and all thoughts flew his mind except watching her experience her first orgasm. At 25? Then again, that really shouldn’t surprise me, given my past. But I’m a strange monkey… He wasn’t sure how he knew thatcomma but instinct told him it was true. He still stroked himself absently, lost in the sight of Nala’s breasts rising and falling as she took short gasps of air and her perfect mouth opened on ato scream and her body convulsed with the force of her orgasm. His name escaped her lips as the orgasm peaked and it sent Gabriel into his own release. After it was over, he sat in rigid in the driver seat of his car and tried to determine what the hell had come over either of them. As he was contemplateinged that, he asked himself how was it that Nala not only knew his name and how he lookedcomma but also how he enjoyed being pleasured.
I would suggest asterisk or a bigger space to indicate POV shift.
Nala sank down to the floor of her tub and let the lukewarm water pour over her. She tried to figure out what had made her react so strangely. She’d never had a sexual thought of her own and now here she was jelly-like after masturbating. She felt like she should be ashamed of herselfcomma but instead there was a tingling sensation all over her body. It frightened hercomma but not as much as the images of some stranger in the shower with her. She’s probably not going to react well to seeing him on her front step… His hands all over her body while she did things to him she didn’t even know she knew. The extent of her sexual knowledge came from the brief thoughts she might unwillingly intercept from her patients or a crude remark she might receive on one of her very rare trips out of the house.

She knew it wasn’t real, it was just a figment of her imagination, but for some reason her mind wouldn’t accept the idea. It was as if it was real, he was real, somewhere out in the world far from her grasp. She even called out his name, or a name she might have made up. Maybe he was her dream man, to go with her dream life where she was able to experience everything other people took for granted. Such as, hand holding or kissing, enjoying someone’s company without knowing what they were thinkingthought, sex. These were things she’d never get to have and she’d accepted it long agocomma but on some nights, she dreamed of something different. Tonight was just one of those nights. She refused to believe anything else even though her head was screaminged that she was lyinglied to herself.

Nala forced herself out of the tub and dried off with a thick fluffy towel. She started to reach for her terrycloth robecomma but she quickly pulled her hand back as if she’d been shocked. For once, she wasn’t uncomfortable with her nudity. Why should she when she lived alone? There was no one around to see her and after what she’d done in the shower, she felt too sensual to cover up her body. She padded into her room before deciding to skip dressing all together. In the kitchen, she decided to make a cup of chamomile tea before bed and as she stood in front of the window, she searched the barelydimly? lit street for anyone that might see her.

Other than a black car parked across the street, everything looked normal. Her neighbor’s porch light was stillremained on so Nala assumed the owner of the car must be visiting them. A forlorn sigh escaped between her clenched lips as lonely settled around her. She tried not to dwell on the things she was missinged by thinking of all the good she was able to do by helping turn people’s lives around and keep them from hurting themselves or others. She pulled her thick mane off her neck and once again thought about just cutting it all off.

It was then that she repeat: realized that for the first time in almost two weeks she didn’t have a bad tingling in the back of her neck that usually meant danger. Then something else dawned on her. She repeat: realized that she could sense a change was about to happen in her life. With another sigh, she finished making her tea and went to lie down. Hopefully after drinking the tea, she’d be able to sleep and her mystery man would come visit her in her dreams where she could be a normal woman with a lover.
Again, typically, there should be a little something to indicate POV shift.
Gabriel groaned as he saw Nala parading around in her kitchen naked. It was bad enough when he saw her through his mindcomma but now he was able to feast on her with his eyes and she seemedappeared even better looking than before. Sitting in his car was the worst torture he’d ever had to endure. He longed to sprint up the sidewalk, beat her door down so he could take her into his arms, and kiss her. He wanted to promise her that she’d never be lonely again. His hand was on the door handle before he exerted some self control.

What was it about this woman that tore down his defenses? He’d only fell head over heels for one woman and that hadn’t turned out well at all. He was in no hurry to again feelexperience the sort of pain he’d suffered the night Rosa had been murdered. Oh, I was just expecting a bad relationship… ouch Especially when the woman who he was sure would be able to slip past his defenses and right into his heart was the same woman he was supposed to be protecting from the worst kind of evil. A Damned soul. So, who the hell was going to protect him? No one, which was why he forced his mind back to completing his mission.

Get Nala back to Willowbank where she would stay until she learned to protect herself. Then after Broncestan was defeated, Nala would come back here, and he could forget all about her and the things she was makingmade him feel. He just had to find a way to hang on to his heart until she was gone. He decided what he needed to do was find himself a woman who wouldn’t mind a few good hours between the sheets then returning to their separate lives. Just the way he liked it. Until he connected with the green eyed beauty in the house. Now the thought of being with any other woman just didn’t seem appealing nor did a one night stand.
Since time has passed, I would suggest a break of some sort.
Sunlight streamed on Gabriel’s face arousing him from his erotic dreams. He squinted at his watch and swore. He had planned to stay up all night and move his car down the street before approaching Nala. That hadn’t worked out as planned. He must have dozed off sometime after three a.m. And he’d spent those four hours dreaming of Nala just as he was sure she’d dreamed of him. Now he had a hard-on that didn’t seem in any hurry to go away. He checked in with the Vardo to let them know he was preparing to make contact and left a message for Evander to be ready to hear an earful when they met up later. Then he climbed stiff legged out of his car. Time for him to do his job.

Since Nala had woken up that morning, she kept getting a vibe that someone important would be coming to see her. After a night of hot erotic dreams, she threw off her daily ritual by taking a shower as soon as she got up and then using her violet body lotion before her workout. The scent had always helped her mind focuscomma but this morning it wasn’t working as well. Her mind was in an emotional whirlwind. She was frustrated that she could sense something drastic was about to happencomma but damned if she could figure out what.

Nala chose doing her yoga instead of reviewing her case files and hurried out to the back yard, eager to work out the kinks she’d gotten from a night of twisting and turning. She’d just placed her hands on the mat between her feet when she sensed his presence. When she heard the creak of the gate being opened, she stood up from her vulnerable position to see who was invadinged her private santuary sanctuary. She caught the scent of trees, chocolate, and rain before ever seeing his face.

When she did lay eyes on him, she froze in place. It was the man from her dreams. He was real and even more gorgeous in person. Her fingers itched to reach out to him as she recalled the way his brown buzzed off hair scraped her fingers as she held his mouth greedily to hers. She noticed his muscles flex under the tight blue thyphenshirt he wore and remembered how it had felt having those massive arms wrapped tightly around her trembling body.

She knew that if he took his shirt off, she’d see a perfectly formed chest with no hair and a flat six-pack stomach with just a tiny strip of hair leading to his tapered waist and large penis that fit into her body perfectly. When Nala caught the direction of her thoughts, she blushed from head to toe and said a quick thanks that he couldn’t read her thoughts which then caused her to wonder why she wasn’t able to read his. She’d never met a person who didn’t affect her mindcomma but yet he was proof that such people did in fact exist.

Gabriel inwardly groaned as he tuned into what Nala’s thoughts. was thinking. Instead of being shocked to see him or frightened that a stranger was in her backyard, she was thinkingthought of the things they’d done in their dreams. Which answered his question of whether they had shared dreams. He had to fight hard to keep his penis from hardening just at her nearness and the direction of her thougths. He noticed that her face and every part of her body exposed by the sports bra and short exercise shorts was flushed bright red. She was embarrassed at her reaction to him although she didn’t know he knew. Yet.

She looked so damn appealing with her hair pulled up and he could see the confusion in her emerald green eyes along with the fierce passion she was experienceinged for him. His eyes roamed over her large breasts covered tightly with blue spandex, down her flat sexy stomach, and he licked his lips as he studied her long legs and pictured them wrapped around his waist as he thrust into her. He forced himself to get back to the reason for his visit and decided a little humor mind might? defuse the sexual tension that was threateninged to suffocate them.

“Hellocomma Nala. If I’d known you were so gorgeous I would’ve fixed myself up a bit. Hope you don’t go by first impressions ‘cause I’m usually much prettier when meeting a beautiful woman for the first time.”

Nala shivered when she heard him say her name in that deep, sexy voice. She wanted to panic that a stranger knew her namecomma but something inside her head wouldn’t let her. She knew his name without even asking so it wasn’t really a surprise that he knew hers. Now if she only knew why they knew each other. She watched as he studied her body again and knew without reading his mind that he liked what he saw. But then he’d liked it a lot in her dreams too. A lot more. Her skin grew warm and she felt his gaze like a caress across her skin. Finally, his chocolate brown eyes met her green and he smiled.

His eyes crinkled at the corners and a dimple showed on the right side. He had such gorgeous lips and thick eyelashes. Even the day’s growth of beard and wrinkled clothes didn’t detrackdetract from his sexiness. She finally found her voice which came out sexy as she asked him why he was there. He frowned and absently rubbed the stubble on his jaw.

“Evander didn’t tell you did he?”

It was a statement not a questioncomma but she shook her head anyway. She was surprised to hear her old friend’s name come out of the big man’s mouth. Evander, the only friend she had and who was really more like a father to her as she grew up in the orphange, was such a small thing with twinkling blue eyes and shaggy gray hair, and his face wrinkled with age. How could they possibly know each other and what was Evander supposed to have told her and why didn’t he? I would consider making some of the lines in the previous paragraph inner thoughts.

Gabriel wasn’t looking forward to explaining to Nala that there was a killer after her and he knew an argument would eruptcomma but he didn’t know what else to do. He could try mind controlcomma but if she really wanted to resist him, she could since she was much more powerful than him. He was a lover, not a fighter and really wished he could find a way to avoid a confrontation with Nala. Such as making love to her. Better to get it over with quickly.

“Lookcomma Nala, I’ve been sent here to escort you to Albania where your uncle lives. He’s very worried about you and Evander was supposed to have explained about him and everything else so I could collect you and just be on our way. I’m really going to beat that Pillywiggin when I see him.”

Nala frowned at the odd choice of word. Was pillywiggin an insult in his country?inner thought? And how dare he think he could just collect her like she was some sort of object and continue on his merry way. She didn’t have a family which is why she was raised in an orphanage and how she met Evander who had been the grounds keeper and she was not about to go traveling out of the country with some stranger no matter how good her dreams of him were or how safe she felt with him.

“I don’t think so. I’m not going anywhere so you need to leave. Now.”

Gabriel had to fight like hell to keep from doing exactly as she ordered. Her powers were more evolved than anyone suspected. Which was all the more reason she needed to get to the Vardo as soon as possible. She could become a potential danger to everyone if her powers ever got out of control which was known to happen when a person got too emotional. Nala stood there waiting for him to leave and felt her frustration grow as he held his ground. She didn’t know what to expect next but it wasn’t the firm hand Gabriel wrapped around her upper arm in a gentle grip.

“Nala you have to go with me. You are in danger if you stay. There’s a mad man out to kill you and I will not leave you here defenseless and alone.”

A repeat: chill ran up Nala’s spine. Maybe that was the danger she’d been feeling for a while now. The repeat: chill was replaced with a strange warmth as she thought about the concern he seemed to be exhibiting for a complete stranger. Then she wondered if it was an act. Maybe he was the killer trying to lure her away from potential witnesses. She knew it wasn’t true even as she thought itcomma but she was still frightened and until Gabriel could prove that he wasn’t a bad guy she wasn’t going anywhere with him no matter how tempting the idea might be.

“How do I know you’re not the mad man? Let me go now! I’m not going with you and if you don’t leave right now, I’ll scream loud enough for my neighbors to hear and they’ll call the cops.”

Gabriel admired her spunkcomma but now was not the time to appreciate it. She had to go with him soon. The spell would only last for another day and a half. He gave her a half smile. “Go ahead, sweetheart. All your neighbors are at work and I’m not a killer though I can be forceful when I have to and darling, you’re about to push me into it.”

Nala knew she should be scared at the steel she heard under the sugar in his voicecomma but instead she wasgrew? excited and aroused?getting turned on. A strange man was standingstood in her yard threatening her and she wanted to kiss him. How messed up was she? Did she dare believe he was her salvation for a lifetime of lonelynessloneliness? A way to escape the clutches of some unknown man wanting her dead for reasons she didn’t know? I usually find questions work really well as inner thoughts.

“Why would someone want me dead? I’m not important.”

Gabriel wanted to protest to thatcomma but he realized it wouldn’t be a smart move. It wasn’t like he knew her enough to think anything of her, let alone tell her she was important to him. Hell, he wasn’t even sure why he felt that way. He’d only known of her existence for twenty four hourscomma but it was already personal whether she lived or died. Gabriel didn’t want to get into the extensive details right nowcomma but he realized he must level with her if he wanted her to trust him enough to go with him.

He released her arm and prepared to grasp her shoulders so she’d look into his eyes as he told her telepathically about Broncestan, the man who killed her parents and the other twenty eight members of her family strictly for the purpose of stealing their magick. Nala panicked and stepped backwards. Gabriel lifted his foot to step towards hercomma but was stopped when Nala landed a swift kick to his stomach. Wasn’t expecting that…He grunted as the air whooshed from him and he struggled for a few seconds before he could stand upright again.

He saw her fist coming at him and grabbed her arm just before her hand could make contact. Garbeil expected her to struggle against his strong grip like most women wouldcomma but he really should have known better. Nala wasn’t like any woman he’d ever met. He saw in her a will to survive and against a mere human she would managecomma but Broncestan Millivak wasn’t human anymore. The day he killed with the purpose of stealing someone else’s strasis, he became Damned. A dangerous person for anyone to come up againstcomma but it was even worse when he came? after you intentionally. He couldn’t feel anything thereforecomma? he couldn’t be persuaded or tempted. He would destroy anyone who got into his way, innocent or not, including children.

He didn’t like dirtying his hands with physical assaults. Since you’re starting a new paragraph, I would suggest replacing the first he with Broncestan. For a moment, I thought he referred to Gab. He would just invade Nala’s mind and destroy it with very little effort before slitting her throat to release her strasis for his taking. Nala had no idea how to cloak her presence so that others couldn’t sense her abilities and she didn’t know how to shield her mind so that she was immune to others’ thoughts and to people trying to get into her mind. She was in danger from more than just Broncestan. There were other people out there who had abilities they used for evil and they could easily influence Nala to do anything they wanted.

The idea soured his stomach. For the first time in Gabriel’s life, he was angry with everyone at the Vardo who had let Nala live alone and frightened of her wonderful gifts. They should have brought her to the Vardo as a child where she’d have learned not to be afraid because she was different. Instead, she’d been raised in an orphanage where no one loved or cared for her. Gabriel ached for the scared little girl she must have been. That ache quickly turned into another one as he realized how silky her skin was.

He wanted to touch other places to see if she was as silky all over even though he knew she was. The dreams they’d shared might not have been real physicallycomma but they were accurate. He knew everything about Nala’s body and she him. He knew where she liked being touched and how. Thinking about it caused him to forget everything except his desire for Nala. A desire that was growing stronger and more difficult to ignore the longer he spent in Nala’s her presence. Which would be a while longer until he could get her delivered to Willowbank and her uncle Elam. Gabriel tried to understand why he felt like that about her. In his ten years as a Graida, he’d never once become emotionally involved with someone he was in charge of protecting. Why was she so different?

Gabriel was so busy trying to keep his mind focusing backed on the mission that he loosened his grip slightly. Nala took instant advantage and used her right leg to push off the ground while she brought her left leg up and around to land against the side of his face. She immediately felt bad for doing it although she wouldn’t admit that to him. The surprise attack succeeded in getting Gabriel’s hands off her as he fell on his butt. He was too stunned to do more than stare at her as she stood her ground, feet apart for balance and hands raised defensively. He smirked at the cockiness she was exihibiting exhibited by staying to fight rather than run away.

Gabriel finally found his voice and decided a little payback was necessary. She surprised him, he’d return the favor. “Sweetheart, if you wanted me on my back, all you had to do was lead the way to your bedroom. Or maybe you like the excitement of someone possibly catching us? Either way, I’d be happy to let you smack me around as long as you sit on top of me. I’d want that sexy ass pressed against my cock so you’d feel it as it hardened. What do ya think? Wanna give it a go?”

He waggled his eyebrows suggestively and watched with pleasure as Nala’s body flushed. She started recalling all the sexual things she’d been thinking lately, mostly about this mancomma but that hadn’t been one of them. She knew nothing about playing roughcomma but oh how she wanted to learn. For him, she’d try anything. That thought made her head fly up and she wondered what was wrong with her. Her entire life, any sexual comment had made her uneasy yet Gabriel had just said things to her that were three times worse than anything she’d ever heard and she liked it.

She studied the mancomma who had her feeling things that were completely different to the person she was. He was starting to get to his feet and as he stood up, he purposely brushed against her partially clad body, and had the satisfaction of feeling her nipples harden against the contact. He was going to be a gentleman and not lookcomma but his mind had another idea as his head lowered marginally and his eyes beamed right to her bra. Nala was horrified at her body’s reaction to him. God, he must think something was terribly wrong with her. Seems like an inner thought to me…

“Actually, I think you are the most beautiful woman I know and I enjoy the way your body responds to me. It makes me eager to see how you’d react if I put my mouth over your nipple. Would you moan? Or how about if I slid my finger inside you? Would you scream my name? I think you’d like that wouldn’t you Nala?” Forward, isn’t he?

Nala felt like she’d been wrapped in an intimate cocoon where only she and Gabriel existed. She forgot everything except the sound of his voice echoing in her mind. The realization made her eyes pop open. She had to be imaging things. There was no way he could talk into her mind. Maybe she was finally able to read his thoughts. She looked at him sharply and he smiled.

“You’re not reading my mindcomma Nala. I’m talking to you from my mind to yours. Now, I want you to answer my questions or I’m going to find out first hand.”

Nala didn’t focus on his threat. She was tryingtried to figure out how she could hear him talking yet his mouth wasn’t moving. Maybe she’d finally lost her mind and him, the dreams, everything related to him was just a hallucination. She felt tears welling up in her eyescomma but she didn’t care. It wasn’t like the man in front of her was real anyway. What had she ever done to deserve to lose her mind? She spent her life helping people, people others had completely given up on. She was a good person. Wasn’t it bad enough that she was destined to live alone for the rest of her life? Now she was going to have to live as a crazy too? aw

Gabriel couldn’t stand hearing her question her sanity and he once again felt a rush of anger at her uncle and everyone who had left her to deal with this alone. He had to make her understand that she wasn’t crazy or weird. She was very special, more to him than anyone else, though he wouldn’t tell her that. He didn’t even like to admit it to himself.

“Nala, you’re not crazy. I’m a real person with telepathic ablilities abilities just like you and many others. It’s the ability to read and communicate through minds. Your parents passed it down to you along with other powers you might or might not know about. That’s why I’m here to take you to Willowbank. The last of the Rosenbaum bloodline flows through your veins. It’s a very powerful, very old source of power and the man after you wants those powers and if he gets them, he will be unstoppable. He will be able to control the entire world and no one would be able to resist him. We, your uncle and the other people at the Vardo can teach you to control your powers so you can defend yourself against him and anyone else who might become a threat to you.”

Nala wondered if he was tellingtold the truth? period not question mark She knew he was in her heartcomma but it was all so scary she wanted to resist believing it for as long as she could. Gabriel sensed her hesitation and threw down his ace card. “Evander has already returned home and he’s not coming back. You’ll be completely alone.”

Nala felt a piece of her heart break. Evander, the one person she could turn to for support, the one person she could talk to, was leaving her? If Evander trusted this man enough to leave with him, then she would too. She needed a vacation anyways. And maybe she’d be able to become close with her uncle and discover even more family. Would he like her? There was only one way to find out. She was about to tell Gabriel she’d made up her mindcomma but he already knew her decision and was halfway to her back door. He called to her over her shoulder.

“He’ll love you. Now, are you coming in to pack or should I do it for you? I’d like to know what kind of panties you wear.”

Nala blushed with embarrassment. Even though she wasn’t a sexual person, she had an addiction to online shopping. She picked out clothes that were designed to show off a woman’s body to perfection. That included her fetish for sexy lingerie. She stepped past Gabriel at the door and her hip grazed his groin as she walked into the kitchen. He growled low in his throat and stopped her before she could get into the hallway leading to her room.

“Just one more thing. You didn’t answer my questions.”

Nala didn’t have to ask which ones he meant. “I don’t know.”

Against his much better judgement judgmenthe mentally whispered to her, “Let’s find out” before placing his large hand on her firm ass. It was even tighter than he’d imagined last night and he hardened instantly. After getting his self control wrapped firmly about him, he moved his hand around her hip and down her leg to where the cuff of her shorts rested just a few inches away from her throbbing center. He slipped his finger underneath and moved slowly up her inner repeat: thigh to the heat he could feel radiating from the apex of her repeat: thighs.

He lightly rubbed her pussy lips before parting them with his finger and easing his finger into her sopping wet sheath. She tightened around him instantly and it was all he could do not to come then and there. He pressed deeper until he felt her shudder and the sensation was echoed by him. He told himself he just wanted to satisfy his curiositycomma but once he felt her muscles tighten around him, he couldn’t stop. He wanted to watch as she came for him. He moved his finger in and out while using his thumb to play with her clit just as he’d instructed her to do the night before. He pressed her aginst againstthe wall and ground his hard throbbing dick against her hip while nibbling on her ear.

“You like that don’t you? You like how my finger’s sliding in and out of your pussy?”

Nala made a strangled sound. She didn’t know why she found it so erotic when he spoke so vulgarly. She became worried that if she didn’t answer he would stop and she’d die so she forced the words out of her constricted throat.

“Yes.”

“Say it Nala. Say ‘I like your finger in me.’”

She did as he demanded, absolutely unable to think for herself. A funny feeling started deep inside her as Gabriel kept rubbing and stroking. It became hard to breath and her body started to shake. She gripped Gabriel’s shoulders to keep herself standing.

“You wish it was my dick inside you right now?”

“Yescomma Gabriel. Come in me!”

Gabriel felt like he was being suffocated. He ached to do just that and hearing Nala issue that double innuendo had him ready to shove his pulsating cock deep inside hercomma but he dismissed the idea. She wasn’t the sort of woman who would have sex without a relationship and he wasn’t a relationships kind of guy. oh, really? So, he’d get her off and then leave her to pack while he checked in with the Vardo. He cussed himself for letting things get this farcomma but it was too late to turn back now. The only thing he could do was keep it from going any further. He looked into Nala’s eyes and saw them deepen to the color of jade as she stared at him. Gabriel felt it clear into his soul and knew he was in big trouble.

He felt Nala start to tense up and buck against his hand. She reached down to fondle his cock and he let her because he knew she’d get off long before him. She carressed caressedhis dick through the thick denim and he groaned. She was something else, something he hadn’t been expecting. He felt himself getting closer to a climax and just like an inexperienced teenager, he came in his pants while she came on his hand. He jerked from the intensity of his release and Nala snatched her hand away like she’d been burned. Nervously she cleared her throat.

“I’m sorry.”

Gabriel gave her a look of disbelief. “Sorry for what?”

Nala shrugged her shoulders self consciously. “I’m not sure.”

She looked so innocent and confused that Gabriel felt his heart flipped over in his chest. He kissed the tip of her nose and removed his hand from her shorts. While she watched with wide eyes, he took the finger that had been in her and placed it in his mouth so he could suck all her juices off. Her taste exploded on his tongue and he had to fight the urge to carry her to the bedroom so he could taste more.

“You taste so good.”

Nala gulped. “I do? I didn’t know I had a taste.”

Gabriel laughed. “Yep. Vanialla, lavender and a touch of honey. Very intoxicating. So what do you know?”

“That it felt good, really good. I’ve never had that happen to me before.”

Gabriel felt his pride kick up that he’d been the first man to give her an orgasm although his instinct had told him that. He just liked hearing her admit it. The bastards she’d been with before must not have cared whether she got off or not. He made sure the woman he was screwing was pleased before he ever sought his own release. He wanted to ease Nala’s discomfort so he decided to risk embarrassment by admitting what she’d done to him.

“It felt good for me too darling. Real good. You made me lose control like a teenager with his first hard-on.”

Nala wondered if he meant what she was thought he did. “So you’re saying that you, uh…” She was at a loss for words to describe what happened when men were pleasured right.

“Came? Yep. All in my pants. Have to say it’s very uncomfortable.”

Nala apologized quickly and diverted her gaze to the floor. Gabriel put his fingers under her chin and forced her to look him in the eyes. “I’m not. I’ll let you in on a little secret. You’re the first woman to ever make me come just by rubbing my dick. Hell, you didn’t even have to touch my bare skin to make me lose control. You must be pretty damn goodcomma} darling considering that I can’t make myself nuts just by jacking off. Hope you don’t think I’m pathetic for not being able to control myself around you.”

Nala laughed although she really wanted to throw her arms around him. She was good. A woman with no experience in any sort of sexual activities and she was able to do something no other woman had. It was a good feeling. She wondered if she could convince him to go further right now or if he’d have to wait a while before he was ready to go againcomma but Gabriel’s words halted that train of thought and caused the smile to slide right off her face.

“Now that we’ve satisfied our curiosity, let’s make sure it doesn’t happen again. I have a job to finish and I can’t risk losing focus. Your life depends on me being at the top of my game so go pack while I change clothes and get everything ready. You may want to throw away the perishables in your refrigerator.”

He smiled and walked out the door. As Nala went to her room to pack, she tried to convince herself that he was right. They both needed to be alert so she wouldn’t be killedcomma btubut knowing it was the truth didn’t ease the hurt she felt in her chest. He didn’t seem to mind the idea that he wouldn’t be touching her again. It had been a game to him. She felt so stupid for believing that she had meant something to him. Her dreams had been a warning that there would be an intense sexual attraction. It didn’t mean that he would be falling in love with her.

She suddenly realized that’s what she’d been hoping for and she made up her mind that she was going to try seducing more from Gabriel than he was currently willing to give, even if it was only practice for when she found another man she wanted. Wow, wasn’t expecting that kind of reaction! Go girl… Nala packed her sexiest lingerie and clothing and went into her bathroom for a quick shower before dressing in a rose colored long-sleeve lace top, a pair of tan pants and brown suede boots. The low waist of her pants left the skin from her navel to her waist exposed. Nala remembered how Gabriel’s eyes had lingered there earlier.

Since her shirt was see through, Nala chose her favorite bra, a piece of black silk that left her large breasts spilling from the cups. She hoped Gabriel would enjoy the view of her cleavage enough to make him want to touch her again. Eager to see his reaction to her outfit, Nala didn’t waste any time styling her hair, instead letting it fall freely down her back. She picked up her two packed suitcases and walked into the kitchen. She wasn’t sure how long she would be gonecomma but it didn’t matter. She was ready to follow Gabriel wherever he went.

Gabriel was bendingbent into her refrigerator doing the exact thing he’d ordered her to do before he left. She stood in the arched entryway to her kitchen and watched his jeans strech stretchtight over his butt. She wanted to march over and grab itcomma but she knew it would only make him put his guard up and she didn’t want that. She was going to have to wear him down slowly before making a move on him.

“I was going to do thatcomma but I think I’m glad you’re doing it. The view is really a lot better.”

Gabriel stood up so fast he banged his head on the freezer door which he’d left partial open. With a cuss word he swung around to scold Nala for saying such thingscomma but the words froze in his throat. He could see straight through her shirt. And that bra she was wearing showed more than it hid. There was no way he was letting her leave the house dressed like that. She might cause someone to have a heart attack. Hell, he was close to one himself as he thought of all the guys that would be gawking at her.


When they got to Willowbank and the men found out she was single, they would be all over her. The thought made his fists clench. Jealousy hit him hard as he started picturing some other man’s hands all over Nala’s sexy, toned body. He’d kill anyone who came near her. She was his. Actually she wasn’t and never would be but that didn’t mean he wanted her to be anyone else’s either. Silly man.

Gabriel forced his eyes away from her cleavage and saw the smile on her face. She didn’t seem to mind that people would be seeing so much of her. Well, he did mind and he wasn’t going to let it happen. He grabbed her arm and jerked her to the bedroom where he forced her to sit on the bed. She licked her lips instinctively and it made him want to lay her down and make love to her until she agreed never to dress so provocatively again. Instead, he used the bit of common sense that hadn’t disappeared as desire pool in his loins. He didn’t give a thought to how she would respond when he ordered her to find something that covered more of her.

She glared at him defiently defiantly as she stood up. She refused to take orders from him on what she could and couldn’t wear. For the first time in her life, she wasn’t embarassed embarrassedto show off a little of her body. He was going to accept it or close his eyes. She told him she refused to change.

“Nala, your shirt is translucent and I can see almost all of your ti…breasts for crying out loud! There’s too much skin exposed from your chest down to…” His words trailed off as he studied how low her pants rode. He growled as he told her, “You will either pull those pants up or change them. Now!”

Tired of him bossing her around, Nala stood up straighter and took a step towards him. He stepped back so they wouldn’t brush together and Nala kept from smiling at his discomfort. Instead, she poked him in the chest as she told him, “I am decent, I look good and I won’t apologize for it. My nipples aren’t showing so the amount of my breasts that’s showing is legal and acceptable. If you got a problem with it, get a blindfold.”


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **