Erotica Harem

Title: THE GATE KEEPER OF INFINITY
Chapter: PROLOGUE
Author: AnaStar
Plot: So, far the plot seems to be that the land of Infinity is in turmoil since the death of their Queen. She was a light bearer and her death brought chaos and darkness except in a few places. The King of the Elves and widower to the Queen feels something is about to happen. He realizes someone has found the second light bearer and prepares to retrieve them first.
Style & Voice: There have been two characters introduced in addition to the mentioning of the Queen, who’s dead. They talk like people from the past and there’s no slang present.
Referencing: From the talk of parchment paper, tents and having to ride horses(or unicorns) to deliver a message, it would appear to be fantasy based in mid-evil times? Not quite sure what era it’s considered so far.
Scene/Setting: Not quite sure what kind of area the tent is set on but it’s in the village of White Woods but there is a view of a lake with a cavern above it. There’s not much description of the scene around them or what the characters look like but it’s the prolougue so it’s not that big a deal.
Characters: So far, Phalantis has been introduced. He’s King of the Elves and a widower of sixteen years. He senses that something’s about to go down and sends orders to the prince of another village. Lynx is also introduced as the ten year old immortal brother of the Queen. There’s no description of their looks other than a mentioning of the King looking the same as years before except for a few new wrinkles.
Grammar: Just a few minor mistakes.
Just My Personal Opinion: So far, there’s not much to comment on. I’m going to keep reading to see what is going to happen next and if they get to the Light Bearer before the other guys.

Corrections:

PROLOGUE


It has been sixteen years since the death of the light bearer, Queen Celeste. Chaos and darkness continued to grow in the realms of Infinity and Earth.

With no sign of a new savior, people of the otherworld gave up hope and returned to their greedy fears. Only a few parts of the world still remained pure and untouched, such as White Woods and The Tempest Kingdom.

In White Woods village, where the beloved Queen once lived, chaotic winds made their way through and attracted the attention of Phalantis, king of the elves and husband to late Queen Celeste.

Phalantis peeked outside to try and understand the sudden commotion of nature. His appearance hadn’t change much but for a few, fine wrinkles on his face. His silver eyes and hair glittered with health. The glimpse of a veiled woman entering the cavern over the lake attracted his attention. He knew exactly what had begun and walked out of his tent.

A little boy ran into his direction. His face revealed that he, too, felt something odd about to happen. His caramel hair and green eyes reminded him of his beloved Celeste. After all, Lynx was her brother.

“Can you feel it, Phalantis? Something is happening!” Lynx said, trying to catch his breath.

Phalantis stared at the cavern. “The enemy has found the other light bearer. We must hurry and take her before they do. We should contact The Tempest kingdom’s prince. He must be ready for the following mission.” He re-entered his tent, followed by Lynx, and took a parchment from his table. After writing a few words, he rolled it up, tied it with a ribbon, and handed it to the ten years old immortal .(shouldn’t years be singular-the ten year old immortal)(there’s a space between the last word and the period. It makes it hard to tell the sentence has been puntuated.)

Lynx nodded, a knowing expression flashing across his face. “Should I take Snowstorm?”

The elf fell pensive, remembering his wife’s unicorn and shook his head. “You know he won’t let you mount him. Only the chosen one can do that. Bring Saules with you and take my horse. He is the fastest next to Snowstorm.”

Lynx agreed, and saluted the elf. As he left the tent, Phalantis called (to) him again. “May you be protected by the Sisters.”

The boy smiled and bowed to him in a polite manner. He hurried outside toward Phalantis’ brother’s house, Saules.(the house of Saules, Phalantis’ brother.)