Erotica Harem

Setting: Back to the park and a shed standing there. The shed was described really well. I had no problems imagining it, down to the scents.
Then the car on their way back to the station. Did I suggest you describe the inside of his car before? I can’t remember. I don’t think it’s absolutely necessary, but I think it could be a good way to give more info about a character.

Characters: I think the most important thing the reader learns is that, Parker and Slade have some sort of history.

I think some more physical description reminders about what Parker looks like might be nice.

Referencing: I had a few questions in the line by line.

Plot: Parker believe he finds the murder weapon. On the way back to the station, his partner continues to act strangely. The media is there to greet their arrival. And some history/turmoil between Slade and Parker are hinted at.

Grammar: I had some suggestions and caught some minor things in the line by line.

Just my personal opinion: Your descriptions are always great. The last part with the link between Parker and Slade will keep the reader turning the page.

Sephina

Line by Line:

The building Wendy was referringed? to appeared more like a dwarfed storage unit constructed of four-sided cement block. It sat alone at the rear of the gated pool in the park’s east side. The deep end of the cement basin held about five feet of rainwater with rotting leaves and debris floating on the surface. The outbuilding, used to store assorted pool equipment, had long since lost its pitched roof, its wood and shingles collapsing within the structure.

Parker located an opening in the fence surrounding the pool and scoured the grounds near the structure, searching for a discarded weapon. The stagnant water reeked of putrefaction in the early afternoon heat with tiny bubbles drifting to the dark surface. Plywood the size of a chest-high window covered the left side of the building. A rusted padlock secured the double front doors. He turned and spotted Perelli searching the perimeter. He called out to his partner to fetch a claw-hammer from the trunk of the squad car. Perelli returned with the tool as well as a flashlight. Would they need someone’s permission to search the building? Or does it matter since it’s a city park? I have no idea, but the question popped into my head.

“I’m going in.” Parker announced, using the iron rod to pry at the weathered cover, the piece of wood splintering in two with a loud crunch before revealing broken panes of the sectioned window. He continued jimmying the rustic nails until the remaining timber broke free, a large piece snapping back and catching the knuckles on his left hand. Fuck! He tapped away jagged shards of glass, hearing them crash into tiny bits on the floor inside. Scraping the window free of sharp edges, he lifted his body up through the opening and straddled the wedge, wincing from the pain the frame caused to his crotch.

Blackness inside the shed, except for a few rays that sneaked through the window and rotted sections of the roof, distorted visibility as narrow shards of sunlight reflected off a multitude of metal objects. Hm… The last sentence reads a little odd to me. You might want to play around with it a bit. Good description though. Stale air stirred by his invasion coursed through his nose and tickled the nape of his neck, surrounding him like a damp, mildewed blanket. Similar settings in the past had him discovering a decomposing corpse or two.

“Stay there,” he ordered, swinging his left leg over the edge. He dropped inside the darkness in a crouch. The floor beneath buckled from rep: his weight, wood straining and cracking from rep: his weight. He waited wide-eyed until his eyes adjusted before venturing to stand. The beam of the flashlight sliced through the blackness, revealing an assortment of junk abandoned long ago. Cool dampness girdled him, making the musty air thick and hard to breathe. He slowly edged forward while clearing away cobwebs, his shoes crunching on broken glass. He searched for any sign of a possible weapon connected to the body found in the park.

The flashlight burnished over empty wooden crates, decaying barrels of chlorine, tattered and broken aluminum chairs, push-brooms, coiled hoses and emptied soda containers, everything layered I think there’s a word missing here. With?an inch thick in And I think this should be of. dust. Rat droppings were everywhere. He shuddered and forced himself to keep looking as the sounds of rodents scampering about echoed in his ears. Near the back of the shed, atop termite infested boxes, he noticed an object that clashed with its ravaged surroundings.

Bingo! Parker pulled himself to the ledge, enough to view Perelli’s balding crown. “Grab some evidence bags. I think we’ve got something.”

He dropped again to the floor with several brown bags in hand. He slid one end of the paper container over the exposed base of the elongated object, gripping the sack around the wooden handle of the instrument before exposing the rest of the apparent weapon. The fresh wood appeared cracked and splintered, smeared with what appeared to be dried blood.

Stray ‘b’? bPainstakingly, he slipped another bag over the larger end of the device, crinkling the paper tightly around its base to contain the evidence before lifting himself back through the window. He handed down the evidence to Perelli, whose expression signaled that he recognized its shape and size as that of a regulation baseball bat. Perhaps the weapon used to slaughter John Doe. The building seems pretty locked up. How did the weapon get in here without evidence of someone being there? Or did the bat crash through the window and that’s why it was boarded? If that were the case, shouldn’t the bat have been closer to the window? I guess it would depend on hard it was thrown. …Or did I miss something?

Finally, some progress, Parker thought, as he slid off the ledge and hit the ground. He dusted off his slacks and coat and followed his partner back to the car.

***
After listening to voicemails on the way back to the station, Parker used the silence in the car to reflect on recent events. The media had blasted citizens with the news of the bludgeoned corpse discovered in Piedmont Park. Rumors were circulatinged? about the safety of in-town homeowners and concerned residents demanded answers to questions that he and his team couldn’t divulge without compromising the rep: investigation. Besides, he didn’t have most of their answers anyway. The rep: investigation was just getting started! I would suggest getting rid of the exclamation point. I would also suggest making the last sentence an inner thought.

He glanced over at his partner while stopped at a light, waiting for the green arrow allowing him to onto Ponce de Leon. The man’s face appeared pallid and emotionless, even withdrawn. Has something changed? What is he holding back? Six weeks away from each other wasn’t that long and yet, he felt like he’d been gone a lifetime. He was tired of walking on eggshells around the man, the tension growing more irritating by the hour. Perelli had said no more than a few words since leaving the park and sat staring off to? the right with his arm resting against the door.

He lit a cigarette and opened the window for fresh air. Perelli followed and lit one of his own, remaining silent and lowering his window too. He ventured forward. “You and Jane do anything this weekend?”

“No. Grandkids are with us again while Bess and Kyle are stomping around Blood Mountain up in Union County.”

He remembered Perelli’s daughter and son-in-law were adventure racers, often training for weeks at a time in rugged terrain before heading off to some extreme sports competition somewhere in the world. They had chosen the highest peak on the Georgia side of the Appalachian Trail to prepare for an upcoming race.

“Where’re they headed this time?” he asked, sensing the strain of his words while forcing conversation.

“Hawaii. Sometime next month. Kids’ll stay with us for a couple weeks.”

Silence engulfed the car again. Giving up, his let his thoughts drift to the case. Not one credible witness had come forth since the discovery and the “tip” line If you want to put this in quotes, I think line should be included. I don’t think you need the quotes at all. the department set up to tempt those wanting to remain anonymous had produced nothing. The small, eclectic neighborhood near the scene demanded a meeting with city officials to discuss safety measures and threatened to hire off-duty policemen to protect their streets. The media showed up and recorded their cries for action, putting further pressure on his team and the department to locate the killer or killers with lightening speed. Talk radio was going nuts this afternoon. Just like the damn public, always thinking they can do better. Try walking in a cop’s shoes for a while.

He felt the weight of the investigation across his shoulders and coursing up through his neck, the tight muscles pinching nerves below the base of his skull with the force of a vice. The case—which was like a dozen or so he was churning at the moment—was getting a lot of attention fast, and not of the good kind. The Gay & Lesbian Task Force to the Public Safety Committee of the City Council had issued a public statement within the hour, convinced hate had motivated the crime. The group was clinging to the well known fact that the park played host to gay and bisexual men looking for anonymous sex after dark. Nothing good can come of this, he thought as he whipped the car turned into the ground floor parking lot of Headquarters.

Milling outside the station was a small band of local television personalities, cameramen and newspaper reporters, apparently awaiting their return. Spotting their unmarked sedan entering the garage, they charged forward in unison as he pulled into a handicap spot near the employee’s entrance.

Exiting the vehicle, he turned to Perelli and said, “Grab the evidence from the trunk and head for the door. I’ll keep the leaches leeches?occupied until you’re inside.” Perelli shook his head and ambled to the back of the squad car as he popped the trunk from a button beneath the dash. Moving toward the advancing crowd, he turned to glimpse his partner’s backside headed for the door marked, “Personnel Only”. He faced the sea of talking heads and microphones.

“Detective Parker,” a voice shouted from the flock. “Any suspects yet in the park slaying?”

“The matter is still under investigation,” he stated, offering up his professional voice. He pulled back from the microphones thrust at him. Goddamn sleaze balls! “Stay back!” He snapped, moving backward, toward the glass door.

“Have you identified the victim?” A voice shrilled from the rear of the crowd. Yet another cried out, “Is this murder connected with other attacks in the GLBT community of recent months?”

He held up his hands in an attempt to render some calm. “This case appears to be an isolated incident, nothing more than a routine death investigation.” The door lay just a few feet behind him. “Please, let me do my job. You’ll get more as soon as we can release the information.” He turned and gripped the metal handle of the door with enough force to crush the skull of an advancing panther. good detail

“Unconfirmed reports say the victim was mutilated beyond recognition. As thought the killer didn’t want the victim identified.” He hesitated before opening the door, recognizing the voice of his nemesis, Calvin Slade. Oh, really? That’s interesting. “Can you confirm or deny the accusations, detective?”

“No further comment.” He pulled the door open and stepped inside, but not before catching the eyes of the reporter who knew more about him than he cared to admit. Interesting indeed.

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