Erotica Harem

It works well the way it is--in fact, you could leave the first lovescene the way it is and maybe detail the second a little, especially if he didnt' really enjoy it or felt wierd aobut it, that way you could incorporate soem inside thoughts from him--like if he's thinking about Ondine while in the middle of it. That would twist things too much maybe but add fuel to the fire of "foresaking" and the curse. but it really does read well without further embellishing.


Pat

http://www.freewebs.com/patricbrueni

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