Erotica Harem

Another great chapter, this story just keeps getting more and more intriguing.

Plot Development
Lensi tries to coerce Razi into joining her political movement. Razi finds out that Leui is around and into the political movement and lying in bed he contemplates his life and decisions.

Character Growth
The chapter is mostly focused on Razi, I think we really get to see how devoted he is to Sima.

Scenery
There was not much scenery mentioned in this chapter and not a lot is needed.

Personal Opinion
I find myself very curious as to how Razi and Sima are going to play into the whole of the story. I like their characters a great deal. They are immensely compassionate toward each other and I love the tenderness they show one another.

Technical Issues
There are just a couple:

“I could have been killed…!” – In my opinion, the epsilon is not needed with the exclamation point. I think it would be more effective to either leave the “…” and then put the exclamation point after She could have been killed.

“So no. The answer is no.” – I believe a comma is needed between the So and the no.

This is probably just a personal preference, however, I think in the sentence… A shrouded refugee stepped inside, leaning on a cane…it would read more smoothly for it to be…A shrouded refugee leaning on a cane stepping inside.

Great Job!!! Keep up the awesome work...I so love this story.

Chavi

"Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance!"~~Unknown

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