Erotica Harem

I see what all the hubbub is about regarding your writing. Your voice is sexy in your writing. Not all men can do that. I can see all the action especially the colors of the club in the city. The guys are fantastic. I could even hear the the music and the strobe lights. It was all there...the heat, the drugs and the rock and roll. With this type of writing you'll get very far if you stick with this group and in the epublishing business. There is a big demand for this m-m stuff. Women likes to read it too.

You just need to work on your commas, apostrophes and the scene breaks...use * * * instead of ##. I couldn't find repeats or overuse of the passive voice. You'll do fine in this.

Carol McK


http://carol-mckenzie.com
http://cheripink.carol-mckenzie.com