Erotica Harem

Hi Traci Ana. I just enjoyed Urden Chapter 10. Here are some thoughts:

>> I know you said you didn’t want out, but you’re out now. <<
Minor nit: It wasn't totally clear what he is out of. I guessed the corruption just described. One or two words (out of THAT?) would fix it.

>> but I’m not going back, not anywhere near what I was in before. <<
Again, very minor confusion. I assume he sees her as asking to go back to the corruption and act as a spy. But that was just a guess.

>> He waved his hand in the air. She could have been killed. <<
Missing quote

>> “Save your thank yous.” <<
Perhaps: Save your thanks.

>> He’d been educated, sure in the ways of lovemaking and pleasuring others, <<
SURE sounds awkward to me

>> It never surprised him what his jobs like to talk about after sex. <<
liked

>> Sima mumbled in his sleep. <<
HER

>> The next scene showed the General’s body lain out <<
laid

>> the Nine News focused in on the General’s throat on the edge of a garish gash <<
IN ON ... ON sounds awkward to me

>> His cynical viewpoint wouldn’t allow him to believe <<
This smacks of omniscient narration

SUMMARY: This was a slower chapter, which is fine. You've put some more emotion into the mix.
I'm glad you're back to these two. I missed them!
My only complaint, very minor, is what I nitted at the start. The opening conversation, in which Lensi was asking Razi to help, was not quite as clear as it could be. I guessed correctly, but I still had to stop a moment and think about it. Just a few more words would fix the problem.
Well done!

TimM