Erotica Harem

Hi Traci Ana. I just enjoyed Urden Chapter 9. Here are some thoughts:

>> She said she would and so far <<
would COMMA

>> “Any word from the Cossia?”
She shook her head. “Maybe she got what she deserved.” <<
Got what she deserved? How? I don't recall him having a hit out on her. A random accident?

>> he wondered where she’d disappeared to and strangely <<
to COMMA

>> flickered. His secretary’s visage vanished replaced by the now familiar <<
vanished COMMA

>> narrow face he found his mind tormented by. <<
This dangling preosition bothers me. How about: face that tormented

>> I was worried the Tarafian police caught you <<
Okay, this answers my prior question. I wish this info had appeared at that time.

>> “Enrue?” She narrowed her eyes. “Are you even listening to me?” <<
Cute

>> “Am I keeping you up?” she said <<
Nice pun!

>> He glanced at Nema, looked away and wondered <<
away COMMA

>> “I’d like to be rid of them before the takeover of Sentre’ and Omerian.” <<
This confused me. He has been fascinated by the statues, and even had them cleaned and moved to this place of prominence. So why does he now want to get rid of them?

>> “I thought maybe you’d grow fond of them in time.” Nema pulled up his schedule <<
Hmm... This doesn't help my prior question. Was it Nema who pushed the statues? That's not my recollection.

SUMMARY: This was a nice psychological study. Not much happened in the way of action, but that's okay. The mental fighting was entertaining.
The statue thing at the end was confusing. Maybe it's just chapter lag, but I don't think so. Did I miss something earlier?
Oh, also about commas... Maybe your style sheet is different. The style sheet I was given for technical work demands full serial commas for a compound predicate:
Jack looked, saw, and went.
You often (always?) omit that second comma.
Well done!

TimM