Erotica Harem

Thank you sooo much for the review. I will definitely be working to edit and revise this over the weekend.

As for the two complaints about the "explicit details," I would like to comment.

First, I will look into this: She cried his name as another orgasm rocked her body Your complaint was that there had been no previous orgasm for this one to be "another". I have taken this paragraph from above the part you pulled: The feeling was amazing. She held back a moan as her toes started to tingle and she had the sudden urge to spread her legs apart even further. She cried out as a sudden rush of juice escaped her and her body spasmed into a set of quivers like she had never had before.


And your second comment was about the pain that she felt. Let me just say, She was a VIRGIN. Therefore, when he fully penetrated her, and broke through the barrier, she felt PAIN.

The only other thing I want to comment on is this comment you made:
She would turn twenty this summer, while Rayne was already twenty two. ,,,
Suddenly his two years turned into twenty, and he was too big and too old to play with a baby. <<
I don't get this. If he is 20, she is 18. A 20-year-old guy is too old to play with a 'baby' girl of 18? What am I missing?

Below, I have copied and pasted the two paragraphs that you chose those lines from: Rayne was older than she. She would turn twenty this summer, while Rayne was already twenty two. As young children, the age difference had not mattered. They had built sandcastles together, swam, played hide and seek, and snuggled up together for their naps.

As Rayne had gotten older he had stopped coming to the beach to play with her. Suddenly his two years turned into twenty, and he was too big and too old to play with a baby. She was eight the last time he built her a castle. Please re read this as I think you will find that it DOES explain it, and it is not saying that at 18 he was too old to play with her.

I appreciate ALL your comments, and I will, as I said, be doing some serious editing this weekend! Thank you for taking the time to review it!