Erotica Harem

Hi Dragon. I just enjoyed Methos Chapter 2. Here are some thoughts:

>> She took his face between her hands and pulled him down....
she slid down his chest to run her tongue in circles around his nipples. <<
I didn't visualize her as pulling him onto his back. I would like a tiny bit more detail to clarify that. I saw her as pulling him onto her, face down.

>> “Lay back,” she commanded. He did as told. She rode him <<
Choreography problem again. I thought he was already on his back.

>> a strand of sweat plastered hair <<
sweat-plastered

>> gold flecked eyes <<
gold-flecked

>> Drawing the soft material up through the piece wrapped about him <<
Typo???

>> Now, you will tell me why you demanded her specifically. There are other female warriors.”,,,
There’d been no reprimand for being so brazen in his demand to have Amethysta. <<
Maybe I've forgotten from the prior chapter, but I don't know why this was brazen if he could have chosen other female warriors. What makes her special?

>> The shocked look on the other woman’s face made her laugh and before she regained her composure <<
laugh COMMA

>> she began to wonder if Keeper Althius told her maid the reason why he’d come to claim her for Methos. <<
Read this carefully. Is this exactly what you intend to say?

>> So, there was a reason we were allowed together. <<
Nice hook

SUMMARY: This was very clean writing. I found almost nothing to complain about. There were a couple choreography problems that can be fixed easily by adding a few words of clarification.
Also, the confusion I had in the prior chapter about why his request was brazen continued into this when I heard this bit of dialog: "Now, you will tell me why you demanded her specifically. There are other female warriors."
As I recall, you explained the situation before, but I'm afraid I need it beat into my head even more vigorously. Since this is apparently a vital plot issue, you need to make sure the reader solidly understands it.
Otherwise, this was excellent, and it ended with a great hook to make me want to continue.

TimM