Erotica Harem

Hi DusktilDawn. I just enjoyed Kindred Blood Chapter 6. Here are some thoughts:

>> The icy coldness of metal seeped through his left cheek <<
Picky opinion: icy COLD sounds better to me

>> He jumped to his bare feet. Shirtless and still wearing his PJ bottoms, he stared at the woman who stood before him. <<
I thought he was shackled to the bed.

>> His gaze fell upon an emaciated woman huddled on the floor of the stainless steel cell. <<
Oh, I see. They moved him. I wish I could have seen the move. That would have avoided the shackle problem.

>> She’s for you. I take very good care of my pets. <<
Omit very?

>> Her scent leaked into his pores; her heart beating in time with the pounding headache between his eyes. <<
You need a complete sentence, not just a clause, after a semicolon.

>> The lights shut off and complete darkness engulfed him. <<
Omit complete?

>> Panic gripped Daniella so bad <<
Badly. I know how you hate LY words, but sometimes you simply need one.

>> Something blocks their origins from my sensors. <<
Sensors are electronic. Senses?

>> I can’t tell you any more than I have, Daniella I just don’t know. <<
Daniella PERIOD

SUMMARY: As usual, this was extremely clean. I have practically nothing to suggest except for the one small comment I made above. It shocked me to go from him being shackled to him being free. I wish I could have seen the move, even if through his groggy, uncomprehending eyes. It's no big deal, just a minor annoyance. Otherwise this was great.

TimM