Erotica Harem

Hi Tim,

Thank you for taking the time to review my first chapter. I will make the technical adjustments you caught to clean up a few sentances.

Yes, part of the slow pacing is a genre issue if you're used to fast-paced novels. In Erotic Romance like this, the writer usually introduces one lead character, either male or female in the first chapter and sets the scene, including a hint as to what may transpire, and then introduces the other male/female lead character in the second chapter.

I have thought about the description of the beach house possibly being over done, but I wanted the reader to feel like they were taking the tour themselves and feel Danielle's reaction to it. I've had two other members of the Harem read this chapter and let me know they felt like they were there.

You mentioned you didn't notice a hook to lead you into the book. The hook is receiving tickets to go to her favorite band's concert and the anticipation of looking forward to it. Normally, this would encourage a reader to turn the page and find out what happens at the concert.

I do believe this is a case of you being used to a different and much faster paced genre. It will take some practice and reviewing of the different types of stories in the Harem to get the hang of it. Mine is a relationship-building story with some hot sex woven in to keep things interesting. If you'd like the fast-paced version of my story, you can read the extended short story listed under my handle.

If you'd like to know what another member thought of this chapter, here's DusktilDawn's take on it for you:
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Plot: This sets up the story quite well, Chris. We have a reason why she's on vacation and to be truthful...I WANNA BE HER!

Scene: Can’t touch this! I felt like I was there for goodness sake. You used all senses in wonderful, descriptive manners.

Character Development: I feel a distinctive closeness to Daniella, which you achieved through inner thoughts. Even meeting Robyn was good. You’ve set up her “dream man” with great descriptions as well. I have nothing to add here.

Grammar: See below. There are just minor line edits, so please use whatever you feel is right for you. As usual, this was a clean read.

Just My Personal Opinion: You have started the novel off with breathtaking descriptions, a reason as to why she’s there and, of course, the concert of a lifetime. Well done, Chris! Remember, all are just my suggestions, and nothing more.
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Thank you again for reading my chapter, Tim. I hope you continue to read all the members stories in the Harem to get a better idea of how this genre operates. It just takes time and practice, like anything in life. This group is great and can give you some excellent suggestions for your work like they've done for me.

Blue-Inspired (Chris)