Erotica Harem

DuskTilDawn - Thanks for the great detailed review!

I admit that I overuse 'then,' so I suppose I should automatically do a word search for it after completing a work. You've inspired me to be more careful.

I am not nearly as fanatic about passive voice as many people on WDC. I was taught that it is often the preferred voice. When I first joined here, Eric (in SciFi) and I got into a real fight about it, so vehement that it threatened to invite intervention by the group leader. So I dropped the issue.

However, I will admit that you caught several places in this story where active voice is definitely better. I made your changes, as they improve it a lot. Thanks!

TimM