Erotica Harem

Sasha - Thanks for the very thoughtful review.

You've raised an issue that I've been thinking about a lot, and your comments are nudging me. I originally wrote this story as a contest (that turned out to be bogus) entry that was supposed to be a first-person account of your 'first time' with a heavy focus on explicit details of the encounter. That's why it came out the way it did.

But you are certainly correct that personality issues are totally absent. Although that was my original intent, if I were ever to submit this for publication, I would need to make it a lot more personable.

My big fear is that by doing so I will dilute what little interest it has. So my challenge, if I do this, will be to make it a real story, with a beginning, a middle, and an end, and with a real hook and solution or some such thing.

This is a very difficult task, at least for me, so I am leaving that job on the back burner for now. However, your comments about that shortcoming provide more evidence of the necessity of going that route if this story is ever to go anywhere.

I really wish a male type person would come along and read it. Since it is written entirely from a male perspective, it may be more interesting for a guy. Maybe some day. I understand that there are a few guys who drop in here every now and then.

In any case, I wrote what may be a far more 'personable' short story, entirely fiction. Perhaps some day you could take a look at Sweet Sixteen and tell me what you think.

Thanks again. Your comments were very helpful, especially since they confirmed what I was already suspecting. I now know what this story needs to make it better.

TimM