Erotica Harem

TItle: First Times with T
Chapter:...short story
Author: Tim

Hi Tim Thanks for sharing these personal memories. Lord knows there are some adventures from my youth my husband knows nothing about...and I often wonder about that. Then I contemplate my baseless jealousy that rears it ugly head every time he mentions his first...I keep my mouth shut. Anyway, that's neither here nor there.

What we have here is a narration of memories that focus almost entirely upon sex. Some of the sex scenarios are undoubtedly erotic. What is missing for me is a connection to the characters. There is one purpose for both T and the narrator...have sex. The growth of the relationship is undefined as is any potential character growth. It's all physical.

"T" is described as a lean, passionate creature. But that's it. I also want to know what her dislikes might be, beyond a wish not to use condoms. What about her is the original attraction? Simply her looks? Something she said? There needs to be a beginning.

Equally, the narrator is offered up as nothing more than a teenager in search of his first time and the physical sensations that accompany it. Going to college...there must be a reason for school. Thoughts about life other than sex. A little bit about what fears, desires and temptations make this young man tick. These are the things that allow the reader to connect to the characters...and for women, it's the key for kicking up the erotic heat. Now actions have a purpose beyond the mere physical.

The story's end will be stronger if T's demanding nature and the narrator's reluctance to participate in dares is drawn out more.

As to terminology...if you are uncomfortable using slang, as you perceive it to be rude, you might want to consider using "proper" terms instead. vagina, labia, clitoris, penis...etc. Lips can be misleading, especially when you're kissing them. Tool just hits me as nothing more than...well...call it a male purple prose word. Does nothing at all for me....but that's just me. Squishy...in referencing to the female body...again, not a sensual, pleasant sound. It might be real, but doesn't elicit the response you might be looking for.

Well, those are my two cents. Hope they help in some small way.



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