Aspiring Authors

CHAPTER 2

The ferocious winds bellowed out screams and spat rain onto the darkened city. The storm cloaked the metropolitan in a black out. Brazen opened her eyes to see only darkness. She heard the current of air twirl above her, as it played a melody she recalled from childhood. Nearby, the sea splashed against the shore and the salty air filled Brazen’s lungs. She lay on her stomach and tried to push herself up off her arms, to only collapse back down. Her muscles ached and could not hold her weight. She struggled to recall what happened, when her encounter with Greg surfaced. okay here I am thinking that you need to change these sentences.. She struggled to recall what happened. Her encounter with Greg resurfaced, Brazen rolled...... Brazen rolled onto her side, curled up, and held her face as tears spilled down her cheeks. She did not understand why Greg pushed her over the cliff. Brazen barely made sense of her own thoughts when she soon found herself drift back into unconsciousness, a place she welcomed. First off....it's okay to use contractions...so instead of did not try didn't it reads less stiff. Secondly. I think instead of saying soon found herself drift back into unconsciousness, a place she welcomed. You can simplify it by saying No longer able to resist the welcome unconsciousness, Brazen allowed herself to drift off.

The scent of eucalyptus filled the air and a soft breeze washed across Brazen’s face. She opened her eyes to see a field of wild flowers in bright colours scattered between enormous trees with rough, grayish trunks. Long ribbons of bark draped from the trees. Small white flowers covered the branches. She stood up from where she lay and stretched out her arms to lengthen and awaken her body. Brazen felt like she had just woken up from a deep and long sleep.

The peaceful quiet created a sense of calm and Brazen turned around to take in the full beauty of the location. In every direction lay only meadow and gum trees. A small rustle from a nearby tree revealed a bird perched on a high branch. Brazen strained to find a better view when she recognised Recognized it was a hawk that sat in the tree that a hawk sat in the tree. She tilted her head to the side to gain a clearer glimpse in between the branches. The raptor imitated her and also tilt its head to its side. You needed to use tilted since you used imitated rather than imitate...but I am not sure this sentence makes sense. I stumbled over it several times As she attempted to get closer, it spread its wings and flew away. Brazen moved out from beneath the tree, when the creature swooped down and landed on the ground in front of her. Brazen stumbled back a few steps in surprise, and admired the beautiful bird of prey. The under parts of its body displayed various golden colours. The long tail flaunted grey and white banded features. An amber shade dressed its shoulders with white barring on the wings.

Brazen crouched down near the bird and stretched her hand toward the bird. She wanted to feel the features against her skin. All of a sudden the hawk turned its head and took a big piece of Brazens skin from her hand in its beak. Before Brazen felt the pain, her head started to spin and the world around her revolved. Bright lights flashed in her eyes and just like a movie, she saw snapshots of what had happened earlier. She saw herself on the rocks. Then she ran down the hill away from the house. Greg threw her off the cliff. The sight of Greg left Brazen annoyed.

The flashes and movement stopped and once again, she lay among the flowers. This time, the flowers released an aroma that reminded Brazen of the sea. With her eyes only slightly open, she saw the bird hop over to face her. She covered her face in fear the bird might try to peck it. Instead, she heard a voice speak to her. Brazen moved her hand away and saw the bird still in front of her. She heard it speak to her in inside her head. You have an extra in here....I think simplifying it by saying The bird spoke to her through her mind sounds better, and it eliminates the She at the beginning

“We meet again Brazen, after so many years. You may not remember me. I am Heru, gate keeper of departed souls. I am here to help you, but there is not much time to try and explain everything, so you must listen and follow my guidance. Try to remember what you already know.” A soft male’s voice explained. Brazen knew what she had just heard, but it did not make sense as it seemed to come from the hawk. you just gave the indication that she knew the bird was speaking to her through her mind but then give the statement that she is confused...it contradicts what you've already said.

“Follow the winds, they will teach you the old ways. When it rains, you are in danger and must be careful. The ocean will always offer you refuge and protection.”

“Danger from who? Will Greg try to kill me again?” Brazen spoke out loud not sure how to communicate with the bird through her mind.

She heard a shriek in her mind that made her cringe. It sounded like a cross between a chuckle and a bird’s cry.

“Silly girl. He cannot kill what is already dead. Now no more talk of this man, as he plays no part in your fate. He was simply there to help you cross over.”

Brazen did not hear the hawk’s words, except that she may already be dead. She raised her head and looked around. She felt her head start to spin once more, but wanted to ask him more questions.

A dark mist surrounded her. The ground beneath her body froze. Brazen saw shadows crawl up her arms and legs, and a tingling sensation swarmed across her skin. She tried to scream, but when she opened her mouth, darkness filled it. Sitting in the corner of the dark Brazen inhaled the blackness that now became her. how do you inhale blackness?

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“Are you alright Miss? Miss, can you hear me?” Brazen shot open her eyes to see an elderly man stare down at her. His mouth moved but she could not make out what he was saying. Brazen took the old man’s hand and he helped her stand up. Her head still spun and she held onto his arm for a few seconds to ground herself.

A quick look around revealed she had been slouched on the front doorstep of her terrace home. The street’s silence created a void for all sound. The sun peaked out from the ocean’s horizon. With her attention back to the elderly man, she noticed his eyes move up and down her body. Brazen placed her arms across her chest for warmth, when she realised realized she was naked. At once Brazen covered herself with her arms. She felt her face warm up and backed up to the front door.

“Thank you for your help,” Brazen replied and she turned around and prayed the door opened, which luckily it did when she pushed against it. She leapt inside. A quick look back revealed the old man with a smirk upon his face.

Brazen slammed the door shut, locked it and decided to check the house to ensure no unwanted visitors inhabited her home. With the house empty, Brazen headed to the bathroom. She longed for a hot shower and decided to make sense of what happened last night, later.
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Dressed in a white ribbed robe, slippers and her wet hair combed off her face, Brazen craved a hot cup of black coffee. Every day started the same; a strong cup of caffeine always did the trick. She flicked the coffee machine on, grabbed the ground beans from the fridge, and packed the filter. The sweet fresh earth aroma of the ground beans reminded Brazen of her mother, who used to brew coffee in her percolator every morning. She placed the cup beneath the drip and bent over to watch the chocolate coloured liquid fill her cup bit by bit. Two tea spoons of sugar dissolved in the beverage as Brazen took a drink. The robust taste filled her mouth and swam down her throat. She felt her muscles ease and took another large gulp. Brazen checked the answering machine to find one message from her parents.

She took a seat by her kitchen bench with the coffee in her hands, and tried to re-count what had just happened. Greg dominated her thoughts. She recalled her encounter with the hawk and replayed the experience over in her mind. Her breath quickened and her hands quivered at the thought. The muscles across her shoulders tightened and Brazen climbed off the stool to move around.

She paced up the hallway and wondered how she survived the fall. Why did her body not ache or show any bruising. She wondered why her body was not covered in cuts. Maybe, just maybe what the Hawk said was true. Is there a possibility that I did return back from death? No, that’s crazy. I need to calm down, collect myself and perhaps get some fresh air.

She headed for the bedroom. Brazen’s head buzzed with thoughts. She knew some sun might help, as well as being among other people. From her wardrobe, she pulled out her favourite washed out jeans, white blouse and jacket. As she dressed in front of the mirror, she noticed how much her body had changed in the last few years. Back at school kids teased her about her small frame. With her shirt clasped she looked into the mirror and admired how well-rounded it made her look. Brazen often left the top three buttons open as she enjoyed the looks she received from men. She zipped up her black knee length boots and covered them over with her jeans.

Brazen’s hair refused to be anything but straight, and no curling wand ever made a difference. She combed out her semi-wet hair, which reached halfway down her back. Like most mornings, Brazen left her hair wet and loose to dry itself.

She stretched her hands in front and noticed them tremble. Tears built up in her eyes, but she refused to just sit around and cry. With the back of her hand, she wiped them away, when she remembered her parent’s phone call.

I would love to see my parents now. They always make everything seem alright. I would use italics here to note that it is an internal thought. Brazen packed her gym bag with a few clothes and toiletries, and knew what she needed to do.

She stood outside her home, and starred stared down the road in the direction of the ocean. The cerulean sky twinkled against the water, with no sign of the horror it witnessed. Brazen wanted to call the police and report the incident, but with no evidence or proof it made her story implausible. She was not yet convinced herself it happened, except for the gut feeling which let her know this was not a dream.

The events of last night remained raw in Brazen’s mind, and all she knew for sure at the moment was that she needed to be with her parents.

I think this is good. I do think you have a few too many things going on here...first the bird, then the old man and her being seemingly alive again. I think that some explanation is in order because we are led to believe she is dead, then alive. Overall the story is plausible and the plot presumably is to have her find out exactly what happened to her. This is really an interesting story you have here. Great work!
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