Ratatosk Writings - Poetry Review Forum

This offered promise, but I am sorry I really am having trouble engaging.

You start off strongly, then we have a spelling mistake in the third line of the first stanza, whilst I was pondering that, I lost the point of the last three lines.

"and I can't help but stay for a moment" - well why? where are you? what are you doing?

I can see from your portfolio you are into brevity, so perhaps Haiku might be a more appropriate form?

I am sorry, I think the poem raises more questions than it answers.

Personally, I think you have something to work with here, so I would go away, identify the point I want to get across to the reader, and come back and rework the poem so it reflects your new horizon.

Best wishesHubble {/i}







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