Reviews from the peanut gallery!

This is the beginning of a lightly fantastical story, inspired by, and originally intended to be written in the style of Japanese manga (maybe when I actually learn to draw!), with some modified cultural aspects that relate to the story. I thought I would hammer out the rough spots in a format I'm more familiar with.

The beginning is stylistically intended to be somewhat hard to understand, but if it's too frustrating, let me know. It gets better, I promise.

Mostly, I would like to know if the writing feels sufficiently "finished", if the story is very intriguing, and how it strikes you overall.

Thanks!

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