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Reborn & Forgiven ... 2011: My Dream Year! |
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** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** image © InfinityLoop Rising from the ashes - continuing to make my dreams a reality. This blog was originally mean to be an account of my journey to achieving my writing & life goals, however as I got ill many of those dreams got put on hold. During this time I have refined many of my goals, updating bits and pieces ... with this new direction I've decided to move to a new blog, make a fresh start and leave the illness of this past year behind |
| G'day Peeps! Did start an entry a while ago, somehow managed to lose the half written thing... think it will be okay, wasn't happy with it - having problems sorting my thoughts. Got myself a nice new laptop yesterday! Would have had it on Monday, but there was only the display model, more coming in the next day so I decided that I could wait an extra 24 hours for it. It's a HP Pavilion g6 for those technical peeps reading - hey, it's laptop shape and does what I want it to  Has 500GB and runs Windows 7 and I believe 64 bit - has same setup in program files as my main computer. So right now I'm working on organising all my files and such for my various writing projects. I'm hoping to keep the laptop free of all the excess junk that seems to appear in ones computer files over time... that's the plan anyway  Also hoping to make the laptop my "work" computer [for writing]. Don't think I'd ever take it to the Day Job to use, mainly because I only have one shift with a lunch break & then only one hour, so not much point really. This year hasn't gone exactly to plan, illness put many things I wanted to do one hold. Frustrating doesn't begin to explain it. Also been trying to deal with the negative peeps that surround and live around me. Some ways it feels like I've been going around in circles the past couple of years - each time I think I'm moving forward the exit is blocked by the neg-peeps and it feels like they drag me back to where they want me to be... usually as their slave-like zombie / 'yes man'. Been making some decisions about where I want my life to go, where I want to be. Only thing holding me back right now is the financial issue, sadly I don't have any real savings and work at a minimum wage job that only covers the bills. Do hope to turn things around in the next few months, just a matter of trusting that things will work out for the best. Would love to move down to Caboolture where my bff lives, away from the neg-peeps - to be honest I need a break from them all, I'm sick of being confined to act and be how they all [family] want me to be... if I'm not their mindless zombie they start piling on their garbage and make my life a living hell. I'm tired of the psychotic mind games. Right now I'm focusing on being happy in the here and now, yes I want to move but I don't want to be "escaping" my current situation. I don't want to bring my current problems with me... if that makes any kind of sense. Nor do I want to move from being broke, depending on family to live; to being broke, depending on friends to support me. Want to have the money to do this myself, it's not that big an ask. Been working on my writing more and more the past two months mostly my main writing project Operation Global Domination... got to admit, it's going fantastically! Was lost there for some time - things weren't quite meshing together, turns out I just needed to go back and start from scratch. Kind of spooky how the project is starting to look exactly how I first envisioned it three years ago - right down to my attitude/mind frame. I've come a long way... Still have to set everything up - this time however, I know exactly what I need to do now. I'm no longer stumbling, searching for direction. Confidence - a strange posi-feeling right now. Weird how now I can ignore the family when they go on a negative tirade about what a horrid person I am, or that my dreams are a waste of time (or how dare I not let them treat me like crap). Still go around in circles all the time with them, sort of washes off me like water Guess that is the reason for ending this blog and starting a new chapter... put the old issues to rest and move forward with my life!  Don't dream it. Be it!  Ravyn |
| G'day Peeps! It's amazing what a stress free morning will do for you. Doing things the way that you want to, not forced to act the way others think you should or needing to justify Every. Single. Thing. You do... Woke up at 7:30 ... didn't start doing anything really until about 9-9:30. Have only washed and hung two loads of clothes and a sink full of dishes (still more but they can wait until tomorrow). Dad is still in the foulest mood ever, but he has confined himself to his bed - think the real reason why is because g-man is home on sick leave (nose operation for a deviated septum[?]). Dad never acts the way he does with me and mum around g-man (more for the reason he is male and 'bigger' than him) Sad and pathetic, I know... Posi-side is I get a little extra (much needed) peace and quite - taking advantage of it while I can Sure I could have rushed around, getting as much as possible done, I just decided to take the stress-free route (best thing I could have done today - I feel better than I have in weeks!)Will work on O.G.D today, going to clean my room a little more first... mostly is clean, just need to find room for some things and organise the areas it's to go in. Got the bookshelves organised and the desk is basically cleared off (still sorting notes and such) I figure if I tackle a little of the clutter everyday, I'll have it all organised in the next couple of weeks  Moving strides in my O.G.D project.... need to sit down and get drafts updated/finalized and post online portions. Will also take time, Live Research is happening now (project has officially started) just a little behind in the uploading - day is still young so I might be able to rectify that before the day is out. Okay, morning tea is finished, better get a move on if I want to get anything done. Entry not as long as I'd hoped, still working on some decent entries (got a couple pages of half written ones in OneNote I add to as time permits) Hope you all have a very Shiny Monday!  Don't dream it. Be it! Ravyn |
| G'day Peeps! Feel kind of lost at the moment.... everything seems to be turning around in my life (for the better) except for one little area - my family, with whom I live with, still treat me like a slave - even to the point where they sucked the little money I had dry... and any time I'm not eternally grateful for them I'm a "stuck up bitch". I'm not even allowed to voice my own opinions, if I don't agree with them I'm a "stupid stuck up bitch" (yeah, they are super creative) They even take credit for everything I do/achieve... like it's only because of them that I am able to do anything. Sad thing is, I don't let anyone else treat me the way they do... Family is important to me, but lately... I just can't do this any more. Over the past 12 months I've been trying to find a way to move out of this situation but with zero savings, makes it kind of hard. "Be the change you want to see in the world" Gandhi I've changed, I'm a completely different person to who I was four years ago when I first moved back here - but I have to hide that person around the people here... I come out of my room with a smile on my face, one of them will do something within 5mins to knock me back down... I look too happy or do something for myself (like be healthier), same thing, they go out of their way to upset me and make my life hell. If I act the way they want me to act, then I'm left in relative peace. The only blocks in my life now are the family/money. I know that you can't change people, I came to the conclusion in 2009 that none of them would ever change the way they treat me. Record at the moment is saved $500 then something happens and I'm bled dry, I don't tell them I'm saving money (would be asking for problems) but they still manage to pull me back down to their cosy level where I'm nothing more than a slave to them. Sickening part is EVERYBODY loves them and think that my parents & bro's are the greatest people ever and I'm so lucky to have them... second there is no one else around, the performance drops and they show their true colours. Yet, I know that the second I'm away from them I'd flourish - not having to hid everything you do in an effort to stop the deliberate sabotage is very appealing... funny that... no idea why... Doing what I can at the moment... tiny little steps... I can see the horizon, where I want to be in life but have no idea how to get there. Closest I've got to date is in October I'm visiting my bff down the coast (because I refuse to let them destroy another birthday of mine)... a two week break, that's it. I hope a solution presents itself soon... don't know how much longer I can handle these living conditions... already had two breakdowns (shockingly unnoticed by any of them) in the past three years. I'm a much more positive person now, just don't know how much longer I can deal with the family. Anyone have suggestions? Drop me a tweet http://www.twitter.com/ravynsguide or email me ravyn@writing.com Don't dream it. Be it! Ravyn |
| G'day Peeps! I know I keep saying I'm writing and that I'm going to post a project or blog and than nothing... I am actually writing, honest. For the last few months I've only been getting short amounts of time in which I've had time to write. I live with time wasters who love nothing more than to present obstacles at every step I take towards living my life/dream. I work mostly out of OneNote; I have several half written blog entries as well as my various writing projects all of which I add to as I get time... mostly in the form of notes - the way I see it is every little bit counts and it will all add up in the end  Saying I'm a little ahead of where I actually am is my way of keeping motivated, to continue on with my writing dreams... shows that I'm doing what I can. I know that at some point I will have to unveil - until then I will keep on taking it one tiny step at a time until I reach that point ... so thanks for bearing with me I'm getting to the point now where I'm going to have to start having some serious writing sessions - I'm working on a new schedule, I'm finding it easier to find time to write (by completely ignoring the drama of those around me); so I hope to have something to show in the coming weeks. My main focus at the moment is for my O.G.D project, I believe once I get the basics completed for it I will have time to work on some public projects. With luck I'll have some new items in here by the end of the month...Came across this quote: "When it is obvious that the goals cannot be reached, don't adjust the goals, adjust the action steps." Confucius 551-479BC, Philosopher Sums up my past few months perfectly... set up a course of action, hit block after block, review my goals, adjust my course accordingly. I believe things always happen for a reason, the past couple of years have really opened my eyes to those around me. Been going round and round in circles dealing with the same problems and issues at every turn... I realized recently that each time it's always me who expends energy to fix the problem, always me who has to clean up the mess. I'm surrounded by people who do nothing but suck my energy away. No More! I don't know how I'm going to do it, but I plan on moving into my own place well before the year is out (I hope before my birthday in October). I'm tired of walking on eggshells every second of the day, of not having a voice or be able to do the things I want. I'm tired of having to be a mindless robot, of hiding who I am to those around me just to be able to live in relative peace. I want to be around positive, supportive people not so-called loved ones that tell everyone how much they support me then turn around and block me at every turn, being nothing but a negative force that takes credit for EVERYTHING I do. Miracles happen every day... all I'm asking for is one little miracle that will give me the financial freedom to move forward with my dreams... and closer to my friends and positive energy Don't dream it. Be it! Ravyn |
| G'day Peeps! Counting down to crunch time! Taking Wednesday off of writing - taking Mum down to Nana's again, thinking of taking my Harry Potter books and continue reading them - haven't sat down and read in ages (since Jean M Auel's Land of the Painted Caves was released - awesome series btw) Not sure how much I'm going to write tonight... I'm hoping to finish part 1 of OGD and get it posted - I'm going to try and get it done but honestly, it won't matter if I leave it until Thursday... want to try and do some relaxing over these holidays I've decided to use my normal day job days as writing days this week - with any luck I can use the extra time and be super productive in regards to my major projects. Have updating of a few things to do as well... and with a bit of luck I'll be ready for the next stage of my Major Project by July 17 Still have some details to iron out, things are looking promising. Did hope to go somewhere this holiday - between getting my new HTC Legend off lay-by tomorrow and my WdC fees due next week (not to mention the normal bills), that's my holiday pretty much eaten up. So I've decided to buy some new writing supplies (research books, office equipment) and make it a Working Writing Holiday. I have a few minor projects I want to work on and some thinking of some new stuff too. I'm aiming to be caught up with everything by Sunday... at the very least I want to be moving forward with my Major Projects. Going to try and organise my tax this week, sooner I get it done the sooner I get some extra cash - if I get it done early enough I might get my refund before my holidays end, which would be a very nice bonus means I'd be able to do a little more Don't dream it. Be it! Ravyn |
| G'day Peeps! Don't usually have problems with Mondays (Garfield-style) I don't think they are evil as it's the first day of my weekly 3 day weekend but today just feels like it sucks. Trying to stay upbeat but I'm getting tired of going round and round, dealing with the same issues - most of which I'm over, it's just having to deal with the same people pulling the same over-used tricks to pull me down. Totally sick of playing that game. Anyone interested in PAYING me to move down the coast? Hey, if you don't ask... Dad was in a foul mood this morning... glad I'm not spending the day at home. Although, I have a feeling he is in the foul mood because Mum is spending the day cooking with her family - he doesn't like Mum (or anyone really) to do things where he can't control them. Chances are he'll be an asshole when we get home today. It's not like he wants to go, he doesn't like most Mum's family (doesn't like his own family but that's another story). His whole problem will be because Mum went out for the day. After coming over yesterday and making out that the cooking was being done at her house, I get to Nana's to discover that it is actually being done at my Aunts' place (down the road from her)... And I get Nana's place all to myself  yeah, not sure why but at least I get to write in peace Writing is going well, just a lot slower that I thought it would take... turns out I can't type at the same speed my brain works at - kind of a minor thing really. I have 2 1/2 weeks holiday starting at the end of the week, going to spend as much of it as I can getting things done. I really do think I can get it done in the first week but I'm unsure of how much running around I will be doing for Mum & Dad, love 'em but I can't wait for Mum to get the all clear to drive again (had an op). I swear they "forget" things just so they can interrupt my writing several times a day. It's very hard to treat something like a business when no one else respects the boundaries. Have been pulling longer nights but it is so draining as I have to be up early to run around for them. Normally they don't go out much but since I'm to drive them we've been out every single day doing stuff that could be done in one single trip. It's annoying as if I want to do something I have to squeeze it all into one trip and have a short time-frame to do everything in; as they have "better things to do".... Me? Who cares what I want to do, I should be glad I get to be their slave  Can't say anything to them of course, if I did all I'd hear for the next few weeks is what an ungrateful bitch I am.... as I said, sick of these gamesGoing to go back to working with my notebook & pen - can't use a normal keyboard like this one; mine is one of those split keyboards that make it look like it's from Star Trek or something. Lovely to use, just makes it a hassle going back to the old style keyboards, spend most the time hitting the backspace key as I make mistake after mistake and typing is about 10 times slower than what I'm used to... refer back to the "Monday" thing Hope y'all are having a better day Don't dream it. Be it! Ravyn |
| G'day Peeps! Well, I'm still working on the projects I hoped to have finished yesterday (Sunday)... got some of the writing done, it's just taking longer than I anticipated - sucks as I'm excited about finally getting the project/s off the ground. Taking it one step at a time and each step is getting us closer to the goal Been thinking about pulling an all-nighter (haven't done one yet despite planning to); but been so exhausted running around for my parents that I haven't felt comfortable skipping sleep. Got holidays from the day job planned (starts end of the week) so thinking of scheduling one then. Still going to try and get things posted by Wednesday (aka end of my "weekend") Had hoped to release my new website (Overlords Inc) however I need to have other projects posted before I am able to open it, sorry to all who have been waiting ... "soon" is all I can say right now - keep an eye out at Twitter as I will post there as soon as I open the site (@RavynsGuide  or @SupremeRuler_ )Hope you are all having a much more productive Monday Don't dream it. Be it! Ravyn |
| G'day Peeps! Writing has been virtually non-existent this week. Still determined to make my Sunday deadline - even if I have to work through to Monday and "pretend" I meant 26/6 US time I have been musing about the writing issue and think I have come up with a way to be able to write despite having to run around for Mum and Dad. Not going to implement the plan until Monday as it'll work better when I finish the project set-up Sunday. Until then I'm just doing what I can (sorting notes, ideas, etc)Was going through an office supplies catalogue and found the desk/home office set-up I want. It's perfect!!! All I need now is a place of my own to put it in... cause it's not going to fit into my bedroom like the current (makeshift) one. And considering my youngest brother & his pregnant girlfriend are likely to be moving into a caravan in the backyard soon, I don't see there ever being room in this place. Really wish I could move to Caboolture (or surrounding area) sooner rather than later. Don't know when, where or how at this point in time - technical detail/s (can be worked out later ) I'm still processing the details about the little bro and his gf; some seriously messed up circumstances. Was listening to Max (music channel in Aus - 805) yesterday; I caught the top three artists in their Top 100 "80's Rock Gods" Countdown... This is their Top 3: #1 Guns n Roses - Welcome to the Jungle #2 ACDC - Its A Long Way To The Top If Ya Wanna Rock And Roll #3 Queen - sorry, didn't actually catch the song but Mum said i was them Now I LOVE Guns n Roses (actually I love @Slash ) but GnR over ACDC??? Queen, yeah it's believable but ACDC? The people who did this list are obviously the same people who made the "King of Pop" Michael Jackson the #1 Rock Artist in a Top 100 list last year. Someone please tell me how they came to that conclusion, cause I can't see it... Don't dream it. Be it! Ravyn |
| G'day Peeps! Well, I'm still working on those same things "Coming Soon" ... I have been non-stop for the past week - didn't realize how much of my writing time Mum and Dad would disrupt. These things happen, going to start working on it tonight; would like to finish everything completely though I'm just going to take it one step/task at a time. The no free time thing was getting to me but on Thursday I decided that I'd just do what I could with the time I had. No 'actual' writing done but I have fleshed out some ideas and re-organised others. I'm actually happy with the progress I'm making on my Major Project. Expanded on some of my initial ideas as well - the Project is actually starting to look exactly like how I first envisioned it back in 2009!! So super excited about that... get to start a new Phase soon (June 26-ish)! Still some details to sort but it's getting to the point where I can open it up as soon as I type and upload stuff As I said - one step at a time... not sure what is happening in the next couple of days - if I have to drive around for peeps or not really. Nothing is really set in stone, so I'm just winging the writing sessions at the moment. All I've managed recently is a couple of minutes here and there; got a few hours tonight - hope to finish a couple of drafts at the very least. Did something I never thought I would on Friday... I went out and brought a heater. I never used to feel the cold but I was starting to feel like I was a human icicle the past couple of weeks (I'm in Aus, 'tis winter here). I actually brought one on Thursday but it ended up being too small, didn't heat the room at all (I was practically sitting on the heater and still shivering. I changed it for a 9 fin oil heater - best invention ever! I literally felt myself defrosting Friday night!! Gave me a huge energy boost as well, even made getting up for the day job on Saturday a breeze! I've been so energetic since getting the heater I have absolutely no idea why I didn't do it sooner. Hope having the heater will help with doing exercise - haven't been able to the past week. Been running around so much for Mum (she just had an operation) that I haven't been able to workout during the day; and at night it has been freezing in the house, that working out in the cold was making me sick - recovered from another bout of the flu. Didn't get hit as hard this time, soon as I saw it start to form I took a step back and let myself heal up. I got to bounce - washing machine has finished; got to hang it up or I'll have no clothes to wear tomorrow  Told you I've been non-stop this week Don't dream it. Be it! Ravyn |
| G'day My Shiny Peeps! been awhile I know... wish I had more time right now but I'm heading out the door. Just wanted to let you know I am doing great! and I'll be back to my regular writing schedule Saturday night after my shift at the Day Job. Got lots to get organised and post online as well - so not sure when I'll get to the blog but I've scheduled an all-nighter for Saturday to get things MOVING!BIG THINGS COMING!!! Don't dream it. Be it! Ravyn |
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