Shellyville Continues

This is getting old!

Hello sunny,

I can't even go a full day without an emotional abusive explosion. I am exhausted and bummed. I really wanted him to be here this week but he couldn't keep it together. He said he was going too. He said he wanted to but his mood got the best of him. I am still not a hundred percent what set him off.

It could be the last moments notice that my niece, his cousin is going to be here for the week. It could be that I said no to the beach. It could be that I didn't put on the air conditioning. It most likely was all three that set him off. I think I can handle it. I think I have the ability and then he reminds me with his words why I need him gone.

He is abusive. He is so hurtful that I feel scarred. I feel ruined and damaged. I feel bloody and weak. He beats me down with words. He is an expert at going in for the kill and hitting his mark. I know I am weak. I can feel this pit in my stomach and the marrow of my bones.

I have lost my coping skills. I have lost my way with words and meaning. I am lost.

Lost!

Love,
Michelle