Midnite Journey

Trying to be stronger, not working...

I miss him more than I should. Hell we were together for 3 years, it's common, even if he did hurt me. We had our good times too, more than bad, but I've gotta move on. There are too many reasons why I have to let him go. If he would have seen he needed help and actually went to get it instead of making excuse after excuse, maybe just maybe we could have worked things out. But no, he was okay. IT was okay to hurt me if I wronged him. WRONG! But God I miss him. I miss talking to him, venting, even a little arguing. I miss looking at him kiss his kids and hold his baby girl like there was no one else in the world at that moment.


I feel sorry for our kids. I want to cry very time I look at them and think of him. I know he'll never see them again and vise versa.


It's sad I always knew this day would come. I knew we wouldn't last. He wouldn't allow it. There were just too many things wrong with both of us. I'm not perfect, I had my issues that were hard to get past, I know this. I know there are things I said and did that made him mad, but instead of talking about it, he let it build up till it exploded, and then, he'd explode.


I want to cry so much, but I tell myself not to. I need to be stronger, I need to move on. There are too many things that have to be worked on rather than my loneliness. I also wonder too often how he is and I shouldn't care... but... I do. He's where he belongs because of what he did to me. He has to learn you can't hurt people because you're angry. And angry over stupid shit at that. It wasn't worth it. He knows it, he said it himself. I know it too.


But, I still miss him, damn it. I still miss him....