Recoveries... a KnightWATCH story

Chapter 13

         “God, that was a close one. Joel… I didn’t think we could pull it off.” Connie and her partner were in the back of Knight 53. They were cleaning up after transporting a “Code Blue” patient, one suffering cardiac arrest, to St. Vincent’s Hospital.

         “Yeah, Connie, it was close.” Damn close, Joel said to himself. And it shouldn’t have been that close at all. I hope “Judy Blue Eyes” saw what happened.

         “Judy Blue Eyes” was Judith Gerlach, the on-duty supervisor. Required to respond to any Code Blue situation, she had seen Connie had freeze in the middle of the “code”, or revival effort, and had heard Joel goad Connie back into action. Though she hadn’t needed to step in, “Judy Blue Eyes” (so nicknamed by older crew members because of her resemblance to singer Judy Collins) knew something needed to be done. She’d heard rumors of Connie’s breakdown in the ICU waiting area. That in itself wasn’t enough to get her concerned; there were always rumors after accidents. Seeing Connie freeze in the middle of a code – that was another matter entirely.

         “Knight 53, Knight Five-Three, say status.”

         Joel pulled a hand-held radio off his belt. “Dispatch, Knight 53 will be clear
of St. Vincent’s momentarily. However, we need to return to ‘The Castle’ for re-supply.”

         “Copy, 53, you’re clear to return to headquarters. Contact supervisor on arrival.”

         “Understand contact ‘ell-tee’ on arrival at headquarters. Show us en route.” Connie closed the doors on the back of the ambulance as Joel put his radio back on his belt.

         “53 en route to headquarters at eleven-forty-one.”

         “Wait a minute,” Connie exclaimed. “They’re actually willing to let us go back to headquarters? Has the world come to an end and we weren’t told?”

         “I get the feeling they want us back there. They did say to contact the ‘ell-tee’ on arrival. If you want, I’ll check in with ‘Judy Blue Eyes’ while you get the supplies.”

         “Deal.”

         Joel suspected, even hoped, that Connie’s freeze was the reason for the summons to headquarters. This was the only time Connie had mentally blanked on a call since the accident. It was also one time too many. He didn’t want to see Connie hurt, but Joel knew now that something needed to be done about her. He hoped that Judith Gerlach would be the one to initiate it, instead of himself.

         Upon arrival at “The Castle,” units entered the ambulance bay through a rear entrance and were directed to various parking spaces. Five near the front street exit were reserved for units needing to restock and be able to leave on a moment’s notice. Others close to that were used for trucks undergoing crew changes or otherwise needing a little extra time to complete various duties at headquarters. The back row was reserved for trucks finishing their shifts or needing maintenance. Joel got his first hint it would be a long visit when he was directed to the back row. Without a word, he left Connie to restock while he walked to the duty supervisor’s office.

         “Joel, come in. Close the door.” That told Joel it was something big; Judith Gerlach hated closed-door meetings. “I’ll come right to the point. Has Connie frozen on any calls before today?”

         “No, ma’am. She’s been rock-solid as a paramedic the whole time I’ve worked with her. Always has been… uh, always will be.”

         “Then pardon my bluntness, but what the hell happened out there?”

         “I… uh… I’m not sure, ma’am.”

         “Look, Joel, this unit operates on a first name basis, and I insist on it, so can the honorifics. You know my name is Judith.” She came around from behind her desk to sit on the front edge. “Something tells me that you have a pretty good idea of what’s going on with Connie MacKenzie. So let me pose a hypothetical situation.” Joel squirmed in his chair as Judith sat down beside him.

         “Suppose a paramedic has feelings for an EMT. Because of their respective positions, the agency they work for won’t allow any action on those feelings. This paramedic worships from afar as time goes on. Then one day, the object of her affection is seriously injured in an accident.” Joel could only nod yes at this statement. “Joel, I’ve heard rumors that Connie fell apart the other night outside Carrolton’s ICU.”

         “Judith, your hypothetical is no hypothetical,” Joel half-spoke, half-sighed. “I’ve known for some time that Connie’s been attracted to David. And she’s known about the rules from the get go. Whether David has known about her affections, I have no idea. I do know he’s never expressed anything but friendship to her. Yes, she’s been a bit frustrated. But I had no idea how deep her feelings ran until the night of the accident.

         “What happened at Carrolton? The attitude of the unit receptionist upset and panicked her. So she snuck into ICU to see David. After that, she fell apart.” Judith sighed and shook her head at this news. “She was so emotionally exhausted, I had to carry her to my car and drive her home. When my fiancée and I had lunch with her yesterday, I told her she needed to get help, attend CISD, whatever it took to handle this.”

         “How was she this morning?”

         “By all rights, she was normal. Never said a word about David. Came in smiling, energetic, ready to work. Everything seemed okay… until that last call.”

         “Until that last call… where she froze, stumbled, forgot what her next step was in trying to revive a Code Blue patient. I wish you had said something earlier, Joel. I get the feeling she never should have been on duty today. I have to pull her off the street and insist she gets counseling. Does she have a particular religious preference?”

         “She told us she’s an atheist, says she and God gave up on each other. I know that because my fiancée once offered to introduce Connie to her pastor.”

         “If Amanda ever offers that to you for some reason, take her up on it.” Joel stared at Judith in shock. “Surprised I know who Amanda is? Don’t be. We used to attend the same church until I moved across town. Reverend Schallert is a good man. I might even recommend him to Connie, despite her so-called divorce from God.

         “Anyway, I’m going to have to pull her. What happened today can’t ever happen. She won’t lose her job, but I have to put her on administrative leave until she gets some counseling and moves on. Now, I have to drop the bomb. If you want to leave before I do, you can. I’ll warn you, this is never pretty.” She walked back to her desk chair and picked up her phone. “Don, this Judith. I need you to alpha-page Connie MacKenzie to my office.”

         “I’ll stay, at least for a bit. I know Mac will probably hate me for a while. The sooner it starts, the sooner it may be over with.” Joel answered the knock at the office door and let Connie in.

         “Well, are you two finished talking behind my back? I figure that must be what’s happening, when my partner disappears into the supervisor’s office for 15 minutes when we’re supposedly here for restock. Did you two have a good discussion?”

         “Connie, please sit –”

         “I’m not going to sit down, ‘Judy Blue Eyes’, when my character is being assassinated! I have a right to stand up and defend myself. Joel, I thought you were my friend as well as my partner. Should your name really be Judas?”

         “Connie, sit down and shut up!” The quiet, polite Judy Blue Eyes was gone. Supervisor Judith Gerlach had arrived, in full command voice. Connie did as she was told. “Let’s get a few things straight. First off, I’m the one who initiated the chat with Joel, not him. Second, I had already told dispatch to bring you here when Joel requested to come here for re-supply. Now, why would I have done all of this, Connie? What reason could I have?”

         “Not a damn reason in the world,” Connie shot back. “You act like I’ve done something wrong.”

         “So, you’re denying you blanked out during that Code Blue? Are you telling me everything went perfect on that attempt?”

         “Shit, Judith, that was one of the toughest codes I’ve ever run. I wasn’t sure we’d pull him through. But we did, and I’m proud of what we accomplished.”

         “And what will we find if we pull your tape, Connie?” The defibrillators Knightsbridge used had built-in cassette recorders to document the events during the machine’s use, including what people said. “I think we’ll hear Joel goad you into action, because you froze or mentally blanked out. Do you recall that, Connie?”

         “You’re nuts, miss overzealous supervisor!!! I did nothing of the sort!”

         “Joel,” Judith said, “grab the cassette. We need to settle this once and for all.” Joel darted from the office. “Connie, I know you won’t believe this, but I’m on your side.” Connie looked away with a loud harrumph. “I’ve heard rumors about what happened outside Carrolton ICU the other night. Joel gave me the truth.” When Joel came in with the cassette, Judith immediately rewound and started playing it. They soon came to the key section.

         “Joel, have the paddles ready in case this dose of Lidocaine doesn’t work.”

         “Got ‘em, Connie. Charging to 360…” For several seconds, no voices were heard on the tape, only the operation of the defibrillator. “Connie? Connie, there’s no change. Do you want to shock him? Connie?”

         “Uh… what, Joel?”

         “Connie, the Lidocaine had no effect. Paddles are ready. Do you want to shock him?”

         “Uh… yeah… uh… give me paddles, charge 360.”

         “Paddles are already charged to 360.”

         “Oh, okay… CLEAR!!”

         Judith turned off the cassette player. “Connie, from that point on, you ran a textbook code. But in that one moment, you hesitated. If you’d have hesitated another few seconds, I would have barged in and taken over.” Judith’s voice softened; she saw on Connie’s face that her point had been made. “Now, tell me what happened.”

         “I… I don’t know.”

         “I think you do know, Connie. I think you are extremely stressed out over seeing someone you care about seriously hurt two days ago in an ambulance crash. Because of that, you froze in the middle of a code. Is that something that can happen?”

         “Uhm, no, of course not.” Connie had curled up in her chair, retreating from the harsh reality presented to her. She had spent the last two days denying how much treating David had affected her. But now, she realized that she was holding on too tight and losing her edge. “I assume I’m going to lose my job. Is today my last day here?”

         “You’re not losing your job, Connie.” Mac sagged into her chair with relief. “You are, however, going on administrative leave, and you’re not coming back until a counselor says you’re fit to return to duty. I hope you understand why we’re doing this.”

         “I think I do.” Connie turned to face her partner. “Joel, you be safe out there. I don’t need to lose you, too.”

         “Joel, Darrell Callahan’s waiting for you over in dispatch. You better get going. And be careful out there.” Judith gave Joel a friendly shove towards the door, then turned back to Connie. “Okay, Connie, we need to find you a good resource. Joel told me that you’re not much on religious counselors. But we do have some good psychologists on retainer. There’s help out there, waiting for you to take advantage of it.”

         “Judith, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to get so angry with you. It’s all been so much.” Connie started crying. Judith wrapped her in a hug. “Judith, if you have anyone you can recommend, I’d appreciate it. Doesn’t matter who.”

         “Well, my old pastor is pretty damn good. So is Elena Martinez over at County Mental Health. I can set you up with either one.”

         “Who’s your pastor? I think I need to have some good talks with God along the way through this mess.”

         “My old pastor is who I’d really recommend, Reverend Paul Schallert of London Heights Presbyterian. He’s seen a lot, and knows even more. And unlike some ministers, he knows when not to preach. Would you like to talk to him?”

         “Yeah. Can you set it up?”

         Meanwhile, Joel met his new partner in dispatch. Darrell Callahan was an iron-pumper who had to have his uniform shirts specially made, lest he rip the seams just by moving his arms. He was also a well-experienced paramedic, and a combat corpsman in the Marine Reserves. He took his jobs and his fun seriously. Judith had already briefed him in on why he was called in on short notice.

         “Hey, Joel, good to see you.” He heartily shook the EMT’s hand. Joel took a few seconds to make sure all his fingers still worked; Callahan sometimes forgot how strong he was. “Let’s head out to the truck.” Callahan waited until they were in the bay before talking about the situation. “Judith gave me most of the story, Joel. But I need to know, how are you handling this fracas?”

         “David’s accident scared me, but not near as bad as Connie took it. I’m hoping she gets the help she needs. I wish it hadn’t taken this incident to cause her to get it.” Joel recounted the code they had run, and Connie’s freeze-up in the middle. Darrell then had Joel recite everything that happened, listening intently to his description.

         “You’re doing fine, Joel, and you know your job. We’ll be okay. Let’s do a quick check of the truck and hit the streets.” During the checkout, Darrell and Joel quizzed each other about various things, including TV shows and music. It was Darrell’s way of establishing a rapport with a new partner. Soon Joel had relaxed enough to relate what had been happening since David and Jim’s accident. Joel knew he wasn’t betraying any secrets; Darrell had been one of the three crewmembers that badgered the receptionist as a screen for Connie to get into ICU.

         “I had an idea that’s what was going on. You’re right, Joel, she needs some good help. And she needs to realize that the only way she can ever date David is if one of them leaves Knightsbridge. Both of them love the job too much to leave. It’s in their blood, in their hearts. And in yours.”

         “And what about you, mister combat corpsman? Is it in your blood as well?”

         “Damn straight, along with the crimson and gold of The Corps. If I could have, I would have made a career out of the military. It’s a good life. But I got caught in force draw downs, so I went into the Reserves. I think I got the best of both worlds. I’m still with the Corps, and my military training gave me a good job in the ‘real world,’ as it were. My G.I. Bill helped pay my way through nursing school. And my work here compliments my position in the Corps.”

         “Have you ever thought of putting up a recruiting poster in the crew lounge?” Darrell chuckled at the comment. “It would save you a bit of stumping, you know.”

         “It’s not necessary, Joel. After all, I’m perfect example to show you civilians.” Both men laughed, and Joel picked up his radio mic.

         “Dispatch, Knight 53 is back in service. Please show Callahan and Palco on board. Request posting assignment.”

         “Copy, 53, please be en route to 23rd and Dinwiddie for coverage.”

         “Copy 23rd and Dinwiddie. 53 is rolling.”

         From a window in the supervisor’s office, Connie watched them leave the garage. “Please be careful, guys,” she mumbled.

* * *

         Seven hours later, David awoke to see Colleen, Darlene Thomas, and the doctor all standing by his bedside. After a few seconds, he realized he was in his ICU room, and back on the ventilator. David reached up to Darlene, who handed him a pen. David then wrote out a question.

         “What’s the word, David? I’ll let Dr. Haskins handle that.”

         “Thanks, Darlene. David, you had a ‘compartment hemorrhage.’ What it means is that you had a bleeder in your arm. It was surrounded by tissue, and the blood was trapped and pooling with nowhere to go. The pool was growing, pressing against tissue and actually blocking other blood vessels. That was what caused all the pain. When we got your cast off in surgery, your skin was ghostly pale, another sign it wasn’t getting enough blood flow or oxygen.

         “We went in, suctioned out the blood pooling there, and patched up the bleeder. We also pulled out a small bone fragment, which we think may have caused the bleeding in the first place. Now, can you wiggle your fingers?” David slowly wiggled his fingers, with only a slight grimace of pain. Dr. Haskins then lifted David’s middle finger back and up, making David grimace again. Neither expression of pain, though, was anywhere near as high-pitched or emphatic as before the surgery.

         “Excellent. And your skin color is almost back to normal. It’s going to be sore for a few days, but I can tell your pain is already a lot less. You might even be able to start some exercises with that arm in another week. In the meantime, you keep healing. If you folks will excuse me, my wife is demanding I make our dinner date tonight.” Dr. Haskins said a few quiet words to Darlene Thomas as he walked out. Darlene then copied David’s vital signs on his chart.

         “Okay, troublemaker, no more surprises. Remember, we have ways of dealing with problem patients.” Darlene smiled, patted David’s good hand, then walked out to the nurses’ station.

         “Hey, bub,” Colleen said as she sat down beside David’s bed. “The hospital folks aren’t the only ones who don’t like surprises. So behave yourself… Davey-wavy.” David pulled his good hand away from Colleen, then started writing.

         Colleen, I’m not all that fond of them myself. At least, not like the one I had a few hours ago. And do you have any idea how long it’s been since I was called “Davey-wavy”? God…you and I were kids, Chet was a baby. What in the world caused you to dredge up that old phrase?

         “Some of my first thoughts after I got the phone call were what I would do if I lost you. It got me to thinking of how much I missed mom and dad and Chet, and all the things we did. For some reason that old ‘Davey-wavy’ nickname popped into my head. It just seemed natural to use it. Listen, we need to do some talking and planning. Do you know how long you’re going to be in ICU?” David shook his head no. “Darlene and I talked while you were in surgery. You’ll probably be here another week, until they take you off that respirator. Then they’ll move you to a private room for a few weeks. Your exit from the hospital depends on your recovery. But, you’re not going home for quite a while.” David wrote a one-word question on his notepad.

         “Yup, Rehab, probably Carrolton’s Rehab Center. The thing is, I can’t stay here that long. And as nice as your employers have been, I know they aren’t going to pay to put me up in the Holiday Inn for several weeks.”

         Find my keys. Unless someone moved or towed it, my car is still at Knightsbridge Ambulance headquarters. Use it to get around, and stay at my apartment. Believe it or not, there’s even food in my fridge. I’ve become something of a cook in the last few years. Anyway, that gives you a place to stay and a way to get around.

         “Okay, David. But what about after I’m gone? Like I said, I can’t stay here all that long. I may be able to come back later at some point, but I’m not sure when.”

         I’ll get by, Colleen. Plus, like you said, I’m not going home for some time. It may be three or four months before I can even try to start physical therapy on my legs. And it’s going to be a while after that before I’m actually walking.

         “That’s if you’re walking again. Face it, David, that might not happen at all, and the chance of walking like you did before is very remote. You have to accept that, and move on.”

         The hell I have to accept it, Colleen! The only thing I have to accept right now, is that I’ve got a long, hard road ahead of me. I plan on walking, running, dancing, and crewing an ambulance once I’m healthy enough to.

         “Crewing an ambulance? David, that’s what put you here in the first place!!! There have been three bad ambulance accidents back in New Jersey in the last two months. You’ve never told me this job was so damn dangerous. How can you even think of going back to it?”

         It’s what I do, Colleen. It’s what I was meant to do. It took me several years to figure that out, but I’ve learned where my calling is. I’m meant to help people. And what’s more, I enjoy it. I’m not one of these 20-year-old geeks who becomes an EMT because the lights and sirens are cool. I’m doing this because I can make a difference.

         “Is that the only way you can make a difference, David? Can’t you contribute to the ‘The Public Good’ in some other way? I swear, you’re still trying to be Don Quixote, tilting at windmills no one else can see. How long before you grow up and get out of that crazy idea?”

         I’m not tilting at windmills, Colleen!! I’m just trying to make a difference in what I think is the best way I can. Yes, I can help in other ways while I’m recuperating. I’m sure that once I get out of rehab, I’ll be on light duty of some sort. I may be filing papers for a while, I may be in dispatch. But if I can still physically do the job, I’m going to do it. Damn it, Colleen, that’s one of the things I’m using to get through this whole mess, one of my big goals. And Colleen… I’m afraid.

         “Afraid? You’ve just been through Hell with that wreck!! What could possibly be more scary?”

         Shriveling up in some dark corner in a wheelchair and watching life go by. I don’t want to give up life… and I’m afraid that if I don’t at least allow the chance of returning to the street, I’ll curl up in a corner.

         “Oh, God, David!!! No, I don’t want that to happen either. Be sure your goals are realistic, though. Don’t set them so high that you can’t reach them. That fall could be worse than the accident. I love you, Davey-Wavy. And I know you love me too.” Colleen sat on the edge of David’s bed, leaned over and hugged David as best she could. “Look, you’ve had a rough day. I’m gonna let you get some rest. I’ll stay at the hotel tonight and move over to your place tomorrow, provided I find everything. What’s your car look like?” David described his five-year old Chevy and where it was parked. “Okay, I’ll take care of it, and your apartment. Now, you get some rest, and I’ll be by tomorrow to get the keys and your belongings.” She leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. “See ya, Davey-wavy. Don’t cause too much trouble tonight.” Colleen left the room as Darlene Thomas walked in.

         “David… we nurses have ways of dealing with ‘pain in the ass’ patients.” Darlene gave his good hand a gentle squeeze. “I expect your condition to be improved when I come back tomorrow… Davey-Wavy.” David’s eyes rolled upwards as he groaned, knowing he was going to be hearing that name for some time. He then wrote out a question.

         “What does this do to your recovery? Honestly, not much. You’re still in here for the better part of the week until we take you all the way off the respirator. Then it’s off to a private room. You may start some physical therapy then. I’m not sure. Anyway, it’s going to be a while, both here and in the Rehab Center. So you might as well rest.” Darlene checked his vital signs on the monitor, and walked out. David took his pen and wrote a note to himself:

         Don’t let yourself give up, David. Even if you don’t go back to the street, make it your goal. And keep your options open. Look at Claudia Morgan. She found another way to contribute. Anything’s possible. But work for the street. Plan on walking, running, and dancing. And don’t ever quit.