Daily Cascade

True Love

"Love makes your soul crawl out from its hiding place."
Zora Neale Hurston
Now that Valentine's Day is near, what do you think real love is?

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I think real love is honesty and it doesn't demand perfection. It asks the soul to crawl out of hiding and bring its vulnerability with it, in full force. It is as if saying, "This is who I really am. Will you accept me as I am and stay?" I know this is not easy to show or say clearly, but it is possible, especially if a person is not a control freak.

Expressing this, all sides in us as we know them and that we are okay with not controlling the situation, is not easy; however, it is liberating. This is because it doesn't seek judgment but recognition. How wonderful it is that someone sees you as you are, fully, and does not run away!

This is not, however, the dramatic way songs, movies, and stories often portray love wrongly. They rarely show this kind of a genuine openness. True love may be quieter and more steady than that generalized idea they try to impress on people.

Yet, when you really think about it, true love may not be dramatic, but it is much more demanding.

Much more demanding because such sincerity gets rid of any fake performances, but gives importance to our existing and being as we are.

Someone who hides his or her own soul and ways, possibly for years, can learn through true love that the world is safe now. He or she can step forward and be as he or she is. I am not saying that, with this sincerity and openness, old wounds can disappear immediately. Yet, they become easier to face and carry, since now, there is another person who understands them, also, just as well. In addition, fear and self-doubt can shrink too, even if these are not erased totally.

Personally speaking, I feel very lucky to have found such an understanding person in my late husband. He was a psychiatrist, and at times, I have wondered if that had something to do with his total acceptance of me. But then, while I was speaking to my sister-in-law a few days ago, she told me a few incidences between her brother and her, and how understanding he was to her needs, even when they were both children. She thought this was because he was five years older than her. I think that age difference and his being a big brother may have had little to do with it. I really think it was him, who he always was. As he was always the way he was. He was a gem.