Can We Talk 2

Age and Perspective

         A group sat around a big table last night, talking about Rembrandt. The youngest person there, about late 30's, asked if you started dating right now, would you do it like you did before you were married?

         the universal response was no. We proved his point, that with age and experience your attitude and approach to things change. The reasons varied all around. Some just said, I wouldn't get involved with someone again. I might date, but not with a long-term relationship in mind. Others said they couldn't risk the heartache again. One person agreed with me that there would never be another joint bank account. Two older ladies said they had had long happy marriages that could never be duplicated, so they wouldn't date.

         Most of us felt like we had found our voices; we could speak up for ourselves and not be pushed into something. We won't tolerate the crap that we did in our twenties. We have a clearer idea of what we want and what we can't stand. But I also think that we aren't just more demanding and less tolerant; we are wiser, more giving, more nurturing. Even on a job, we won't do whatever it takes to get ahead, but can be more patient with co-workers.

         If we didn't learn anything along life's path, what good did the mistakes and the pain do us? We don't look the same as we did at age 20 or 30, but we like to think we're better. The small things can slide. We know what counts to us and others. We could never do it- dating, working. friendship, parenting, setting up house- the way we did when we were young. By the time we have some of the answers and some wisdom, we're falling apart. That's the irony of it. That old saying, "Youth is wasted on the young" maybe still applies.