BCoF

The Loss of Christmas Cheer

Use these words in entry: meaningful, connection, art, grace, scent and tree.

{{c:maroon}size:4.5}
I really hate the way I feel about Christmas now. Where once I used to look forward to the day, first as a child growing up with loving parents who always made Christmas special, to when I met my future husband and was embraced by his family, who then in turn embraced mine and we ended up sharing Christmas Day's together.

All that is gone now. My parents are both passed and my hubbies Dad died years ago from cancer, and so did Christmas with them. For me anyway. Being an only child and also not having children (which to be clear I do not regret one bit), Christmas without my parents, and without hubbies Dad who was larger than life, who invited every Tom, Dick and Harry around for Christmas Day and made it very special, the day is now just.....nothing.

What used to be a meaningful day for our two families and now withered and died, and each year when it comes around, we find ourselves going through the motions but really not wanting to. If it weren't for having my 3 beautiful furkids, who I could not imagine not sharing Christmas Day with, hubby and I would be off in our caravan somewhere and we would probably just pretend the day was like any other and not celebrate. Just enjoy being together somewhere new and wonderful and be happy with that.

But there is another part of me, that still loves all the Christmas fuss. The decorations in all the shops, going to Christmas farms where they have real living Christmas trees and that wonderful scent of pine or fir trees. The street art on display with people decorating their houses, their lawns, and entering into competitions for who has the best Christmas light show. The connections you make with people around Christmas time when the spirit of the season seems to sweep everyone up at some point or another, even with total strangers. The grace of a truly lovely Christmas service (and I am not religious at all) but hubby's uncle was a minister and we always used to go to his Christmas Eve services and sing the carols, light candles and just be swept up by it all. It truly used to be some very special times.

But now I am more like the Christmas Grinch, and to be honest I just really want those days of family and friends, a large group of people coming together and sharing the day. But we just don't have that any more, and so I spend most of the day thinking about how lucky so many other people are. Spending the day with loved ones, playing the traditional Christmas Day cricket match in the back yard, swimming in the pool and eating amazing lunches. Opening presents, laughing and just being joyful.

But that is gone for me. The best part of the day for me is when we give our furkids their presents and watch them open them and rip all the paper and throw it everywhere.

But then I also feel mighty selfish for feeling this way, as I know, that I have so much more than so many other people out there who spend Christmas Day completely alone, living on the streets, or perhaps in hospital gravely ill. I have a loving husband, and loving furkids. A wonderful home and so much more, and yet???