The cat

An update from Goose

Hi, this is Goose. I see the human has been updating you on my progress. As you can see, it's been difficult training him, some days he is absolutely clueless, it's not that I expect a lot from humans but this guy is a tough nut to crack!

Basic Training 101 worked on him, it took a while but it worked, he's not real quick on the uptake. Training 101 starts with a little friendliness then just the right amount of standoffish attitude. It has to be just the right amount or else you have to start all over from the beginning, either that or find a less clueless human. He didn't get it at first, so I had to repeat, then repeat again. He finally started to put food out, so I increased the friendliness and reduced the standoffish routine. I'm so good at this!

After a meal or two I could see Clueless didn't know the difference between OK food and GOOD food. I don't know what he eats but no self respecting cat can live on kibbles for long. I had to decide if he was worth my 'A' game, so I went inside to check his apartment. It isn't fancy but comfortable and reasonably clean, at least I didn't smell any other cats. The clueless human had the requirements, a couch and some comfy, just for cats sleeping places so I decided to give him a little more time. I could see myself moving in.

After a week or two this guy still wasn't bringing the good chow. It was time for Basic Training 201 where, when the human puts the food down you say, "Bring out the good food." and stare at him, then the bowl. If you've done things right the human will feel bad that you aren't eating and put out better food. Never let them see you enjoy second rate food. Now he brings out the good food for breakfast and dinner and puts out kibble during the day. I eat some of the kibble and invite the ducks over to finish it up. They like it better than I do.

Next it was time for Basic Training 301. I walked in, sat next to the door and scratched myself, looked at him and scratched again, "Hey Clueless! Time for some of that magic stuff for itching!". I had to wait a long time but he finally had some and put it on me. He also slipped something in my food, since this was the good food I just pretended not to notice and ate it all. That was a few days ago and I feel great.

Clueless needs some advanced training and I'm working on it.

He needs to learn that when I'm inside, I want to go out whenever I want, no more of waiting on his clueless, lazy butt to open the door whenever he gets around to it. Same when I'm outside, I'm mean really!! Who does he think he is??

I stay outside most of the time. When I stay inside and sleep on his bed Clueless doesn't understand that he disturbs me when he rolls over or moves his legs, it wakes me up and that just won't do! I've started Sleep Training which goes like this; When Clueless interrupts my sleep I push my face into his until I'm sure he's paying attention, then I turn around and show him my butt. It works, he say's something which I'm pretty sure isn't "I'm sorry." and rolls over and goes to sleep so then I can too.