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Rated: E · Book · Tragedy · #2352829

This journal is fiction. The voice you’re reading is a character, not the author.

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#1110628 added March 14, 2026 at 12:42pm
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Paul and Dating.
031426 This journal is fiction. The voice you’re reading is a character, not the author.

Paul asking about dating.


I have had the conversation with Paul on my mind all day.

Last night’s phone call started the same way our calls usually do. Easy conversation. Friendly. Comfortable. We talked about his family for a while, and he asked about work. Nothing unusual.

Then there was a pause.

And he said, “I have an important question to ask you.”

The moment he said that, my stomach dropped. My heart skipped and then started beating a little faster. For a second I thought maybe something had gone wrong or that he was about to change the plans for tomorrow.

Instead he said, very calmly, “I was wondering if we could perhaps go on a real date. One where I walk you to your front door and give you a kiss good night.”

My mouth went dry.

Before I even had time to fully think about it, I heard myself answering him.

I told him I would love to go on a date, but I wasn’t sure about the kissing part. I said that if he could put up with me possibly flinching, because I might do that, then maybe we could try. I told him I have not been able to relax and kiss someone for a very long time.

There was a short pause on the other end of the phone.

Then Paul said something that made my whole body relax.

“No worries,” he said. “We can start by you letting me hold your hand some on Sunday. If you get uncomfortable, you promise to tell me. But I will most likely be able to tell. I don’t want to rush you. I just want you to know that I’m interested in you and I want to see where this can go. We have time, and I will always put your comfort first.”

He meant it.

I could hear it in his voice. There was no pressure in the way he said it. No expectation. Just patience.

In that moment he was doing exactly what he promised. Making me feel comfortable instead of rushed.

But the conversation left me thinking about something else today.

If this is going to move forward, even slowly, there may come a time when I need to tell him more about the darker parts of my past. The things that still make my body react before my mind has time to catch up.

The kidnapping.

Just writing that word here makes my hands feel cold.

Paul does not know all the details about that part of my life. Not yet.

If he is going to understand why I sometimes flinch or pull away, he may need to know someday. The question is when. And how much to say.

I do not have that answer yet.

For now, tomorrow is still just brunch.

Maybe we will hold hands.

Even writing that makes my heart beat a little faster, but it is not the frightened feeling I used to know.

It feels more like hope. I have H-O-P-E!
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