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| Just in case anyone can still afford to go out to eat, here's a "helpful" article from bon appétit: All Your Restaurant Etiquette Questions, Answered  Is it okay to ask for a different table? How do you split the bill with friends? Our industry pro weighs in. On any given night at your local watering hole or restaurant, bartenders are doing double time, dispensing drinks and life lessons from behind the bar. Which is why we always tip bartenders. Do I have to wait for everyone else’s food to arrive before cutting into my own plate? Yes? No. Well, depending on what you mean by "have to." No one's going to fine you for it. The Food Police aren't going to swoop in and drag you off in handcuffs to Kale Jail. It's rude, though. Do you tip on the total price of the bill if you order a bottle of wine? Yes. Next question. Just kidding. There is a lot more nuance here. No, there really isn't that much nuance. The article makes an argument based on server expertise. I'd prefer to see tipping go away entirely, as I've talked about many times, but as long as it's a thing, yes, if you order a $10 hamburger and a $190 bottle of wine (hey, don't judge me), you tip based on $200. There is one exception I can think of, but it's kind of an edge case. My favorite local brewpub will put any to-go beers on your tab, for the convenience of only having to pay once. So, I might get, say, a $10 burger and a $6 beer to eat there, and then a couple of 4-packs at, say, $20 each. I tip on the "service" portion, $16. Basically, if you consume it at the table, it's tipped. If I don’t like a table, is it okay to ask for a different location? Yes. In my nearly two decades of experience working in hospitality, I’ve never observed a conspiracy to give people the worst tables possible just for fun. You work in NYC. Every table is the worst possible table. If there’s a social media influencer disrupting the meal with lights, cameras, and ruckus, who should speak up, the staff or the diner? Wrong question. The correct question is, "Where's the next nearest restaurant?" There's more at the link, but I feel like they left out the most important questions and answers, to wit: Q: What's the best way to get the restaurant to let my dog in? A: Go fuck yourself. (Exception: legitimate service animals) Q: There are kids running around. Do I tell the staff or the parents? A: Neither. Surreptitiously pass the kids some chocolate-covered espresso beans. Q: What's the best way to make my date pay for everything? A: Put out at the table. Q: I'm at one of those weird hipster beer places and they won't serve me a Michelob Ultra! How can this be? A: Good for them. Q: How can I get my meal comped? A: Spend a few hours washing dishes in the kitchen. Q: Could you turn up the volume on the Lakers game? A: No. I should write an advice column. |
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