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 This is my blog of my journey in finding myself again. |
| This is the summer of 2025 and wow its had its ups and downs. Every summer I hope to get my kids to some parks, local fun and maybe to the beach a few times. This is also mixed with therapy appointments, physical therapy, occupational, speech, summer school, and various less fun activities. I also need to keep everyone entertained, a house clean and keep tackle something on my to do list. Good lord it's exhausting and this year I am trying not to create unrealistic expectations on myself. It's hard not do this since I grew up and the one thing we got to do was go to my Grandparents cabin. Which I get most people would be jealous and it's not that I wasn't grateful. If we didn't go to cabin we did absolutely nothing. We didn't go to any parks, lakes, pools, camping and my parents didn't step a foot in the backyard. We also didn't have any games or toys other than our bikes. Summers were usually absolutely boring and lonely. I have of course tried to over compensate with my own children. This makes sense to me and I understand why I have this drive but still struggling to completely let go of it. I think making summers memorable is a common goal for a lot of parents for their kids. I know for it can be easy to be hard on myself, but I do have some factors that make it challenge. I have 4 kids with Autism/ADHD, one with ADHD, and twins. My older twin has just been assessed for Autism and we are going over the results this Friday. The younger twin has Down Syndrome and a complex medical history. He is significantly delayed even compared to other children with Down Syndrome. He cannot walk so we have to carry him or use a stroller. We do have a lift on our van so he does travel with an adaptive stroller. This complicates things so much since now we have to consider if we can even do the activities. We have a local parade and once again skipping it. Everyone has the attitude if you don't get there early there is no space for you. Trying to haul multiple kids with behavioral issue out the door is challenging enough. Expecting them to wait an hour for a parade is another whole problem. If we do arrive early then my youngest has to stay in his stroller until it starts. His twin is prone to running so that means providing activities and hoping fights don't happen. The other issue is where do I park my van? I need a handicap spot or somewhere I can use the lift for my son's stroller. In the end its no even worth it. This is probably why a lot of families with children with disabilities don't attend parades, because its a lot of work and generally most people are not supportive and lack empathy. It's hard to keep the motivation on having an amazing summer when everything feels like it has extra steps. Sometimes its hard not look back when it was easier and feel like I could have done more. I am trying to remind myself I am human and there is only so much I can do. Last night instead of being worried about my to do list, pile of laundry and many house projects I got my kids outside. I got the sprinkler out and got my kids outside. My older ones had no interest in that, but they did enjoy eating dinner and watching Minecraft outside. I did carry out small tv on our back patio. Later that night we had a fire and ate smores. It may not be much, but it was something. These are the things I am going to remember and so are they. It's to try to reach for the big things when something small can have just as much value. |
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