The poem has a lot of language that is unique, but the flow of the poem is lacking. The sentences in some places are too long. The overall poem gives me the image of a suicide survivor, but I can't be sure exactly how to interpret it. "Crooked I will remain" ...that last line along with... "my own undoing" ...and... "to take the first step is to die again..." this type of language leads me to believe that a person in the poem cannot bear to live in the world and even as she has survived her own attempt at death she wants again to die.
Interesting poem, the flow of which is jumpy and yet fluid, much like the electricity you write about. Intentional or not, it has a good feel to it. The stuffed cat is an interesting addition to the room in contrast to the white paint and what a wonderful way to contrast movement to the stillness, the movement of the fan blades whirling.
INteresting look at the desires to be good while trying to individualize from the world. A person not trying to be anybody big, but hoping that the choices he makes to individualize will change the world because it needs a dose of color int he black and white reality.
Interesting heartful story with a good moral. Not too many of these on the internet nowadays. The tree is a good reflection of the immortality of the human spirit and the goodness we possess, the immortality of the generations and the immortality of memory.
This poem reflects my own thoughts. Forget the holocaust? Broadcast the corpses! Broadcast the evil dictator's own words of dispicable hate! Lies refelect the disorder in society, the utopian hell that makes everything "okay", and erases the banal massacres that were perpetrated.
Great opportunity for writers to become published in a unique format. The position of Reader/Reviewer allows writers to dive into other's stories and see what types of things are being published NOW, this very moment, and writers can learn editing skills for their own work by doing this for others.
Wow. Very strong poem. The ONLY criticism is simply deleting the dash after the colon when listing the things "You have:-". I like the repetition of D words to start that stanza and the crucifix-nail imagery. The single line stanza at the end is well done, seperated from the rest to lend it additional power.
Interesting poem. I like the the change from shadows as young creatures, living creatures, to 'nowadays' when this particular shadow is older. The last stanza seems very limerick-ish and doesn't really give the poem anything. If it was horror you were going for, delete the last stanza altogether. Also, the third stanza, although less limerick-like, needs some work. The poem could be reduced by getting rid of a few unimportant words such as in the line "I cant wait...". By deleting the words "I hear", it reads smoother. "I can't wait until I lunge, grab, and you gasp." Also the first stanza could be revised to read: "I would not do it today." rather than 'that' today, since the way you have it is a bit of a tongue twister. Great poem overall.
The idea of a little girl wanting to touch a star is very cute! I like the tone of the poem itself; The growth of the girl into a more mature and understanding individual and yet one who never loses her childish dream of star-touching. Her idea of HOW changes, but never the dream. No changes neccessary. Great poem!
Printed from https://webx1.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/vaylen
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.07 seconds at 9:47pm on Aug 27, 2025 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
