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 Review #4842639 |
 | Crumpled flower  [E] Two individuals unaware about each other’s feelings,could this be fate.  |
| (3.5)| A WdC SuperPowers Review Hi Deluluchichi . I'm JACE , and I have the honor of reading and reviewing your offering "Crumpled flower" . Good morning. I found your offering on the site's Read & Review feature located in the Navigation Menu on the left side of each page.First, let me welcome you to Writing.Com. If you wish to improve your writing skills, this is the place to be. Both the members and the features offered by the site are invaluable to helping in that regard. I invite your attention to the comments below. Please bear in mind these notes are from one on the outside looking in; ultimately only you can decide what's right for your story.  Overall Impression. As I normally do with new members that I review, I checked out your Port to find out a bit more about you. This often helps me with my review. You haven't filled out your Bio-Block or Biography tab. So, I'll just offer my advice based solely on what I read.I felt this was the beginning of a longer story regarding your characters. From what I read, I would certainly welcome a more in-depth treatment of your characters and how their paths intertwine. From a layout standpoint, though, I found your story hard to read. Having everything in one large paragraph makes reading especially difficult. It LOOKS a lot like one paragraph though it's actually three. Convention on Writing.Com is that folks double-space paragraphs to provide white space that helps when reading from a screen. It really is different than reading a book. Also, a separate paragraph should be used each time a character speaks. Dialogue requires a new paragraph; this helps your reader to easily follow the story's train of thought. Your title is good--it speaks that more's to come. And you used your Brief Description very well. So many folks do not use this part correctly. It is your billboard to entice a reader to read your story. Try reading your current story out loud. I believe you'll hear potential errors much more easily, such as where a period is needed, or only a comma to signify a shorter pause. Reading silently allows a person to skim the words and phrases, especially if you are the one who wrote those words and phrases. You anticipate what is coming with silent reading. I use this technique whenever I edit. Personally, I like knowing who your characters are. Perhaps such information is forthcoming in future edits. You do introduce one character but offer no name for your main character.  Technical and Editorial Considerations. In this section I normally list those areas that relate specifically to the mechanics of your writing--punctuation, grammar, spelling, etc. Watch your punctuation. This can make or break a story. I think you have a good start with your story and there's a lot of potential from improvement. But as written, it's average. My Rating. 3.5.  Thank you for sharing this offering. Please accept these comments as offered in friendship and support. They are but my humble opinion.Reviewed by JACE   My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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