Hi!

They say first impressions are important - and the presentation here is good.

What I think works well:
The story has a cozy, whimsical voice that fits the folkloreish vibe, and is replete with vivid worldbuilding details & characters.

Flik’s curiosity and the solution to the barrier problem give a satisfying arc to this well-paced short piece.

What to improve

You could significantly tighten the opening section (girl sees door → mother calls) to make things sharper and to hook the reader sooner.

More show, don’t tell: several expository lines (history of the barrier, council actions) are delivered as direct explanation. Turn some into dialogue with more conflict or sensory detail to increase engagement.

Example: make the Council meeting a brief flash or have older gnome recall a specific incident rather than 'merely' summarising.

To improve flow, you could trim a few redundancies (e.g. “pulled on his long beard” and variations thereof).

To improve reader immersion you could include brief smell/touch/sound details beyond sight to deepen various scenes (the bread’s warmth, the damp of tunnels, mineral tang near Dimune).

With some structural tightening, a touch more urgency, and a few small show-don’t-tell revisions, this would have been a stronger entrant but it's pretty good as it is.




My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .