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Review #4826872
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Review by Jeff Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: | (3.5)
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Hi bookloverqueen

I discovered your item on Writing.com via random Read & Review and am sending the following feedback for your consideration.


Positives

I like the emotion behind this piece. I thought you did a great job of capturing the feeling of the narrator, and I particularly liked the "you were only on loan" line. Well done!


Suggestions

Some of the line breaks felt a little awkward (like the first one, breaking "we were" and "so close" into different lines); I'd recommend looking for more natural places to break up the flow of the read.


Overall

Overall, I enjoyed the read. Well done!


I hope you've found this review helpful. If so, please consider paying it forward by reviewing the work of another Writing.com author! *Bigsmile*

Sincerely,

Jeff Author IconMail Icon
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