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Review #4776426
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Review by JACE Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: | (4.5)
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An Angel Army Review


Hi walkerguy.

I'm JACE Author Icon, and I have the honor of reading and reviewing your offering "Invalid Item" Open in new Window..

I invite your attention to the comments below. Please bear in mind these notes are from one on the outside looking in; ultimately only you can decide what's right for your story.

*Note1* Overall Impression. Good morning. I found your item listed on the site's Read & Review feature. That feature lists random items for members to review of those members currently online.

Your story is very timely as Halloween 2024 approaches. You list it as a contest entry but don't mention which contest. It's not a critical shortcoming as far as a review is concerned. But you should know that some reviewers review a contest entry from a little different perspective than a review in general. They may include whether the story answers the contest prompt, and the like.

For myself, I especially liked your twist at the end. It was unexpected, and marks a good horror story.

I understood your reference in the first sentence: There were few children with enough bottle ... But, it took me a couple times reading it to understand that meaning. Causing your reader to stumble over a reference is not usually a good thing.

*Exclaim* Technical and Editorial Considerations. In this section I normally list those areas that relate specifically to the mechanics of your writing--punctuation, grammar, spelling, etc.

Your dialogue and punctuation is pretty good. So many fail with the nuances of dialogue. Yours moved the story along.

I hope your fare/fared well with your contest entry.

*Star* My Rating.  4.5. 

*Heart* Thank you for sharing this offering. Please accept these comments as offered in friendship and support. They are but my humble opinion.


Reviewed by
JACE

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 09/17/2024 @ 11:41am EDT
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