Hey amagrah,



I thought I'd review a newbie when I came across your poem. Good work!

The following review is my personal opinion. Ignore it if you don't agree.

First thoughts:
I liked the idea of the mask falling(I wrote a poem similar to this last year). My interest was piqued by your title and introduction. At first glance, I was impressed by your phrasing. Using the right word at the right place is imperative and I think you did it well.

Analysis:
Three quatrains with aabb rhyme scheme
You followed the rhyme scheme well. I also liked the fact that you didn't capitalise the first letter of enjambed sentences. I liked the tone of your poem. The flow is something you can work on, especially in the first stanza. The last line somehow puts me off. One suggestion I can give you (which someone on WDC told me about) is to do a cold read of your poem. Just go to someone and tell them to read the poem in one single tone and hear them. You will learn about flow from your sense of hearing.

Another bone I'd like to pick is that I'd like to know more about the "sins" of the protagonist. This is just my instinct, you should judge for yourself if the poem needs it or not,
I didn't notice any grammatical errors but some commas are in the wrong place. You may find this page helpful:

https://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/607/02/

Favourite Lines:

How you long to show your soul,
empty and dark as blackened coal.

I liked that simile a lot.


Overall Impression:
I liked your poem and I think you just need some refining to better the poem. You have potential, I'd like to read more of your work.

Keep writing,
Jack
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