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Review #3789193
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by A Guest Visitor
Review by Winnie Kay Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
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It is my pleasure to review
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as part of your shower from "Invalid ItemOpen in new Window.!

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I love comedy, and you've got quite a talent for the droll, sarcastic kind (my favorite). This little essay regarding one's intentions if they won the lottery is a subject we have all engaged in, at one time or another. I like the way you list your priorities, then get down to "Brass Tax" (great pun by the way). In between the lines of humor, I can see that you love your family very much and want to spend more time with them if you didn't have to work so hard. I can also tell that you enjoy writing, and you seem to be having a good time here at WDC.


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*Idea* Technical Issues
You probably need to rate this item as 18+ just to be safe on the rating system due to a couple of specific words.

*Starv* The lottery in my city pays 50 million dollars with 50 additional 1 million dollar draws.
Rules vary from one authority to another on using numerals or spelling out numbers in formal writing. But one rule is definite: be consistent. Here you have part of the $50,000,000 spelled out and part in numbers. Here is a suggestion:
The lottery in my city pays $50,000,000 with fifty additional $1,000,000 draws.

*Starv* I rarely play the lottery, I am eternally unlucky, and I have a better chance of getting struck by lightning 17 times while walking to the mailbox.
There is a comma splice here. You have two separate sentences joined only by a comma. You can use a period or a semicolon to fix this.
I rarely play the lottery. I am eternally unlucky, and I have a better chance of getting struck by lightning seventeen times while walking to the mailbox.

*Starv* ...the painfully boring 4 hour drive to Toronto.
According to the Chicago Manual of Style, you should spell out numbers from one to ninety-nine. Also, four-hour is a compound adjective and needs a hyphen.
*Starv*...the painfully boring four-hour drive to Toronto.

*Starv* It's just the right this to do.
This looks like a typo.
It's just the right thing to do.


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You have the great gift of humor, Zooly. When you can take a step back and laugh at yourself, you've got it made in life. Thank you for this opportunity to review your work. My suggestions and opinions are offered only in the spirit of helpfulness from one aspiring writer to another.

*Bird*  Winnie Kay  *Bird*



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