Erotica Harem

Review: Voyeur

Part Two

by Jon


Setting: excellent description of the evening and Kevin's garden, I love his thoughts on the changing of the seasons and the detailed description of the gun sunbathing as he puts on lotion. Terrific eye candy!

Characters: Kevin, Alice, the hunk in the penthouse

Kevin is becoming more obsessed witht he man and degenerating until it effects his life and his work. He now has a camera and suitable attachments to collect some pictures.

Alice, his friend, concerned about him but as he descends into his obsession, he pushes her away too.

the hunk--so far we only see him. Nothing to know what he is really like though a suspicion that perhaps he's aware of an enjoying Kevin's attention and displaying himself delibaerately has crossed my mind. We'll see how it plays out.

Plot: Kevin tries to stop fixating on the man, goes out with Alice once, and the next evening, reads a newspaper on his porch, catches a glimpse of the man coming out to sunbathe, and finds himself staring thorugh the binoculars again. He buys a camera, a tripod, and then adds a telephoto lens. He soon has some great pictures. An obsessive shrine thing perhaps? the hunk's 'casual displays' are becoming more daring--is he perhaps egging Kevin on, encouraging him without a word to spy? Hmm, getting more and more interesting. Kevin's life is degenerating as he falls deeper in the obsession. His work and even his life suffers. Waht will happen next? Can't wait to have more time to read the third part. One suggestion: When you mention Kevin's bossing being dispeased, you might consider showing it with a short scene, jsut a few lines, of his boss reprimanding him, maybe threatening him with dismissal. Then on to the other things that are declining in Kevin's life--especially if you have in mind for hims to actually be fired in the next part.

Gramamticals: No real errors noted but a few suggestions in the line edit

Comment: All in all, getting more and more suspenseful and Kevin's decline is becoming more apparent.


Line Edits:

"Voyeur"

Part 2
___________________________________________________________


Alice rushed into Kevin’s office and closed the door.

“You look dreadful!” put this dialogue with the first line, as Alice walks in.

“Thanks for your vote of confidence, Alice.” Kevin snorted and reached for his second cup of coffee since arriving at the office.

“This is the third time this week, Kev. Is there something going on that you’re not telling me? She closed the door to his office and moved to his desk. “Have you met someone? You know, I can keep a secret if you’d try me.”

“If I had, Alice, you’d be the first to know. I promise.” He cradled his head and searched the top drawer for aspirin. “Please, can you lower your tone a few octaves for my sake?”

“Don’t be such a snob.” Her face contorted in surprise. “Who is it?!”

“Alice, please! Not so loud.” He tried to avoid her stare but failed, too excited to keep quiet any longer. “I haven’t met anyone. Well, not exactly anyway.”

“Fine, be that way then.” She scoffed, turning to exit. “Just don’t come crying to me when he dumps you!”

The slamming door sent shock waves through Kevin’s head. He reached for more aspirin and sworeswearing to forget about the man in the window.

***

Rebounding from earlier insult, Alice invited Kevin to an art show that evening in Buckhead. He jumped at the opportunity to stick to the promise he’d made earlier with himself and keep busy. After the show, they drove to Jake’s in Midtown for dessert and cappuccino.

“You don’t have to explain,” Alice insisted, slipping a bite of strawberry cheesecake between her candy-coated lips. “If you wanted me to know, you’d have told me by now. What more is there to say?” Her feelings had been hurt and she wanted him to know it.

“You’re making more of this than there is, Alice,” he insisted, sipping his double-shot. “You always do.” He pursed his lips and pouted. She rolled her eyes. Okay, I haven’t met anyone, at least not yet. There is one guy I’d like to meet, though.

Alice squirmed with elation. “Who, who? Tell me everything!”

“I don’t know.” He sighed. “I’m afraid to say anything.” He took a bite of chocolate cake and slid the fork across his tongue, savoring the frosting. He blushed. “Don’t want to jinx my chances. You know how superstitious I am.”

“Kev, that’s not fair!” Alice saw he was serious. She frowned and patted his hand like a grandmother reassuring a child. “Okay, honey. Just be sure to let me know when you’re ready.”

Kevin arrived home well after midnight. By happenstance, he glanced out the living room window before closing the blinds for the night. All was dark across the way, not a single light glowing in the penthouse across the way. Sighing, he brushed his teeth and crawled into bed.

***

Kevin awoke later than his usual weekday routine Saturday with the light of day in his eyes and the smell of freshly brewed coffee wafting through the apartment. On days like this, the coffee maker with automatic timer was a blessing. He stretched his arms and legs out across the queen-size mattress and pulled himself to the edge of the bed. Feeling refreshed, he slipped into a pair of shorts and padded to the kitchen.

He retrieved the newspaper from outside the front door and proceeded with his coffee cup to the balcony. The morning breeze was warm and pleasant, especially after the long, cold winter. passive The warm breeze, pleasant after the long, cold winter, stirred his hair and caressed his bare skin. The sun’s rays glistened on the petals of his garden, laden with droplets of dew. He settled in a deck chair to read and sip his coffee in the sunshine. About an hour later, perhaps urged by some innate sixth sense, he peered from behind the paper and glanced across the way. Bingo! The man from the other day gazing gazed out the large window again, dressed in t-shirt and snug gym shorts. and He seemed oblivious to the attention he spawned.

Seized by the moment, Kevin rushed to get the binoculars. In his bedroom, he peered through the mini-blinds to shield his presence and watched the guy moved moveaway from the window, only to emerge moments later onto the terrace with a towel in hand. He glanced up at the sky as though measuring the sun’s intensity or the right angle to position his body. He spread the towel across a chaise lounge and set a bottle of tanning oil atop a short table next to the chair. Reaching over his head with one hand, he tugged the shirt over his head with a quick jerk before tossing it to an adjoining chair. He hooked both thumbs beneath his waistband and slid his shorts down over bulging thighs, revealing little more than a patch of baby-blue cloth concealing his manhood. He sat with his back turned to Kevin and removed each leg from the garment like he had all the time in the world. Just a suggestion, you have a lot of sentences beginning with 'he', try rewording a little to vary the sentences.

Kevin stood spellbound. His heart pounded hard in his chest, reminiscent of a cartoon character chasing a buxom maiden. The guy caught in the scopes pivoted his frame and straddled the chaise. He began to lather his body, starting with the right shoulder and working his way down to a well-rounded bicep, then further to the forearm and hand. passive Amazed, Kevin stared as Kevin was amazed the binoculars exposed every muscle of the guy’s body, from the tops of his shoulders, to lightly feathered pecs, and further down to a stomach that had never tasted a greasy burger. Each twist and turn, indeed every movement, revealed sculpted lines and curves that caused Kevin’s mouth to go dry.

The guy lathered up his hands and started applying lotion to his lower legs, before working up to his calves and thighs. Kevin held his breath, licked his lips and tried to swallow without blinking. He watched as the man’s hands slipped inside his thighs and up to his crotch, which became the star attraction as one of his hands darted beneath the lycra fabric to adjust himself.

Kevin felt passive The bulge of Kevin's his cock straininged beneath his shorts, begging for release. What are you doing! Are you insane? {make these thoughts italic}He chastised himself. Has your life become so lonely that you’ve been reduced to spying on unsuspecting sunbathers?

Whatever the case, he couldn’t seem to pull himself away from the window. He remained mesmerized as the stud leaned back against the chaise to apply oil to his face and neck, across his chest, and finally to his abdomen.

For the next several hours, Kevin stared through the blinds, his arms straining to keep the lenses steady. He watched the sweat build on the guy’s chest and stomach. (He took a break he took a break. He lunched when he ate. ) confusing, not sure what you mean here. Only when the beefcake left to the terrace for the day, asKevin remained} standing, hoping, praying, he would pass naked in front of the bedroom window. Twenty minutes later, he got his wish.

***

Kevin’s fantasy drew him in further. His days at the office felt drawn out and became miserable. He stopped going out to lunch, instead packing a bite to eat so he could leave earlier at end of the day. His evenings ran well after midnight and sleep became more restless. He spent his spare time peering out the window, hoping to catch a glance, just one more another look. Within a week, he’d purchased a camera and tripod. A week later, he added a telephoto lens. Soon, he’d amassed a collection of stellar photographs, all capturing the imagines of an abstracted young man in his prime.

Kevin became obsessed, all but ignoring of his responsibilities at work and at home. His boss expressed dissatisfaction with his tardiness and increasing mistakes. YOu can show this better witha few lines depicting this scene, just a bit of dialogue and perhaps a warning of termination Friends calling his home spoke to an answering machine. Even Alice received the cold shoulder when voicing her concern, but he didn’t care. He delved deeper and deeper into his compulsion, all along convinced he cold could stop spying at anytime.

pat

http://www.freewebs.com/patricbrueni

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