Erotica Harem

Hi DusktilDawn. I just enjoyed Kindred Blood Chapter 8. Here are some thoughts:

>> Daniella left Connor’s estate well before she felt the approaching nuances of sleep. As she entered the empty house <<
The prior chapter did not feature her, so it's been a while. Naturally, chapter lag has a lot to do with my confusion, but the structure of this beginning didn't help. She LEFT the estate and ENTERED the empty house. You didn't say where she just arrived. We didn't even see her go there. I glanced ahead, and I still don't see where she is. I'll just wing it for now. I wish I knew where she just arrived.

>> refusing to climb the stairs to the bedroom, their bedroom. <<
Okay, now I remember. She left Aiden chained to the bed up there, and he's been kidnapped. But wait... I thought she already knew he was gone. Now it sounds like she hasn't been up to the bedroom yet. Sorry, but I am confused. You definitely need to say where she just arrived.

>> grabbed the phone, waiting for the connection of a long distance operator. <<
Oh, so this is set back some time. It just occurred to me (took me a long enough time!) that I don't know the time period. Maybe you said in an earlier chapter and I forgot.

>> Barlow said in a more friendly-like tone <<
friendly-like? Is that legit?

>> The stark light that illuminated the cell burnt through his retinas, but he forced his eyes open <<
He opened his eyes in the first sentence of this paragraph, and the light is burning them. So perhaps you mean that he forced his eyes to STAY open.

>> Her tall frame towered over him and his neck ached from craning it upward. <<
The last I heard, he was lying in a puddle of sweat. So why would he have to crane his neck to look up?

>> she looked…pleasant, but he recognized the harrowing, vexed look <<
looked look

>> When she left, the lights remained on this time. <<
I can't put my finger on it, but this sentence sounds funny.

>> made his movements awkward, like a spider that had just been stepped on. <<
Opinion only: This didn't work for me, because I think a spider that's been stepped on don't move no more.

>> he stared in wanton hunger at the food that chased away any semblance of normality <<
I suspect you want the HUNGER to chase, but as worded it sounds like the FOOD chased. Or maybe I'm wrong. No big deal. I suppose a normal reader would never even notice this. I'm just being critical.

>> A tickling movement on his abdomen drew his eyes downward. He stared, confused as hell at the white strands of hair streaked with scarlet. Teanna lay across him just as naked as he was. <<
She is lying across him, yet it was just a tickle on his abdomen? And what are the white strands of hair? Hers? If so, that means he saw her hair before he saw and felt HER?

>> He jumped to his bare feet, slipping on the blood. <<
But she's lying across him. Wouldn't he have to move her off first?

SUMMARY: This was an exciting chapter. I enjoyed seeing Teanna grit her teeth and be nice. Well done.

I have only two minor complaints, both easily remedied. You never did reveal the location of the scene at the beginning. And the choreography with him being on the floor and her lying on him was slightly confusing.

The story continues well!

TimM